3 Months

Emma is the most content baby I've had.  She loves to look around and takes in all of the craziness around her in stride.  She winds up and shines the biggest happy baby smile whenever someone comes near her. 

She is adored by her big brother and sister, who insist on holding her every day and fight over whose turn it is to look at her. 

She is my source of calm when the day gets chaotic- forcing me to sit down and put my feet up to nurse or rock her.  And I love it.  I feel these newborn days slipping by so quickly- I'm trying to enjoy each one.

She hates her carseat, loves her mama, and is the sweetest little bundle of love.   She has started to babble, and I can just imagine what kind of secrets of heaven she would tell us if she could.  I love watching her formulate a huge story in her mind, wind up to let it all out, open her mouth, and let out... nothing.

So, happy three months Miss Emma Grace.  I love to stroke your soft skin and smell your sweet breath and rock you in my arms during our midnight rendezvous.  You are a complete delight and we are so glad that you are here with us.

Halloween

The Characters-

 

Woody the Cowboy

 

 Rapunzel

Lobster-baby

Julia Child

Creepy trucker man

The Activities-

 

 

 

The Summary-

One Is Silver and the Other Is Gold

2004- Married, no kids.  I meet my new visiting teaching companion- a sweet Hungarian girl- also newlywed- who had lived in the US for a few months.  She speaks a little English, I speak no Hungarian.  I leave a plate of cookies on her basement apartment doorstep and a friendship is born.

2006- Her first baby is born.  My first baby is born.  We become mothers, and swap stories of diapers, nursing, and sleep.

2007- Our kids love each other.  We play together all the time- making American recipes, Hungarian recipes, snowflakes and  crafts.

2008-Another year of fun.  She has another baby.

2009- I have another baby.  I move away from Utah.

2010-We visit when we can.

2011- She brings her baby girl to meet my baby girl.

Poor Emma!  This is the only picture I got of just the two girls together all weekend.  We had a great weekend full of stories, cooking, chatting and walking.  Her English is great, and I can finally say words like "gomba", "csalad", and "kokos kotska" (although I can't spell them!)

Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold.  I'm so grateful to have a great friend like Bea.

Nurturing Marriage After the Children Come

I wrote this for a stake conference I was asked to speak at back in 2007, when I was more of an "expert" on marriage and family than I am now.  Still found the advice to be applicable today.

During General Conference last weekend, I baited my family with what I thought was a question with an obvious answer.  “Guess who’s speaking at our Stake Conference?” I asked.  “John Bytheway? Sherry Dew?  David Bednar?” were their answers.  My confidence was a little shaken, as I had to answer, “No, me.”  I would gratefully turn my time over to any one of those more experienced speakers to hear what they have to say about a topic that I feel I know so little, but I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to study it out.  

We have been given many excellent resources to help us learn more about the importance of marriage and families and ways that we can improve each.  The Proclamation to the World on the Family clearly states the roles of men and women in their relationships with one another and their children.  “A husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.”  

The Stake 4x4 Plan provides simple actions that allow us to grow as individuals and as families.  Family prayer and scripture study, family home evening, paying our tithing and temple attendance are all practices that will bring us closer together as a family and to our Heavenly Father.  

We have one nine month-old daughter, and as I have thought about this topic over the last few weeks, I realized that she has taught me many of the principles that can nurture my marriage.  When considering the “time and all eternity” that we will be together with our spouse, our marriage can be considered in the infant stage as well.  Here are few of the basic principles I’ve learned from my daughter that can also be applied to marriage.

1. Keep your needs simple.  Infants are happiest when their basic needs are met- well rested, well fed, a dry diaper and lots of love are generally all they need to be happy.  How much happier would we be if we were content with a quiet night at home, a mundane household chore done without asking, or a sincere ‘thank you’ or ‘I love you’?  If we keep our needs simple, we will find that it is easier to please one another and that we are more content with one another.  

2. Devote time to each other.  Leah is the happiest when she is playing with Mom or Dad, and will quickly crawl up into our laps at every chance she can.  When we are away from her for too long, she makes it clear that she would rather be with us than the baby-sitter.  Do we show the same enthusiasm to our spouse when we have the chance to be together?  Do we take time to show our love for each other at the end of the day?  Planning a successful date night can be more difficult with children, but this time helps my husband and I to reconnect with one another as adults and gives us a chance to remember the reasons why we fell in love in the first place.  And on the nights when an adult-only date isn’t an option, we still make sure to spend quality time together as a family.

3. Lower unnecessary expectations.  Our daughter does not notice the days that I don’t do my hair or make the bed.  She doesn’t notice when my husband doesn’t put his dirty socks in the hamper or gets home from school a few minutes later than usual.  We should also lower the expectations that we have of one another, and be a little more understanding when things don’t go according to our plan.  We are usually our own worst critic, and don’t need our spouse to point out the weaknesses that we are already well aware of.  Matthew 7:1 states “Judge not lest ye be judged.” 

Elder Joe J. Christensen tells the familiar story of a newlywed, Sister Lola Walters who read in a magazine that in order to strengthen a marriage, couples should have regular, candid sharing sessions in which they would list any mannerisms they found to be annoying.  She wrote: “I started off… I told him that I didn’t like the way he ate grapefruit.  He peeled it and ate it like an orange!  Nobody else I knew ate grapefruit like that.  Could a girl be expected to spend a lifetime, and even eternity, watching her husband eat grapefruit like an orange?...”

“After I finished with my five, it was his turn to tell the things he disliked about me.  He said, “Well, to tell the truth, I can’t think of anything I don’t like about you, honey.”  

“Gasp.” 

I quickly turned my back, because I didn’t know how to explain the tears that had filled my eyes and were running down my face.”  Sister Walters concluded, “Whenever I hear of married couples being incompatible, I always wonder if they are suffering from what I now call the ‘Grapefruit Syndrome’.”  

Yes, at times it is better to leave some things unsaid.  

4. Listen and learn more than you talk and judge.  When dealing with our spouse, we often quickly judge each other and have more to say than is probably necessary.  Our daughter has been an example to me because she has so little to say about me or my husband that is negative.  Speaking of his 60th wedding anniversary, President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Develop and maintain a respect for one another.  You have to give and take in marriage.  Another thing is a soft answer, keeping your voice down.  There will be differences but don’t get stirred up over them.  Just be quiet and calm and speak softly to one another.”  

Proverbs 15:1 states “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.”  Although there will be moments where it may seem justified to lose your temper, I have found that it is always better to remember what our daughter would say- nothing at all.

5. Forgive quickly.  We are in the process of teaching our daughter that sleeping through the night is a good thing.  This means that every few nights, we have to leave her in her crib to help her realize that it is still night time.  Last week, after a particularly painful night, my husband and I woke up certain that our daughter would be just as grumpy as we were feeling.  But when we went into her room to get her up for the day, she greeted us with a great big smile.  

In whatever shortcomings we have as parents, she is always quick to forgive.  A hug and a smile is usually all she needs before she has forgotten the incident and moves on.  We should be as quick to forgive our spouse for small misunderstandings or accidents.  Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 states “I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”  

And lastly, my daughter has taught me that 6. Sometimes, you just need to cry.  President David O. McKay once said, “A child has a right to feel that in his home he has a place of refuge, a place of protection from the dangers and evils of the outside world.”  Similarly, we as adults need a place where we can let our guard down, relax, and unwind from the day.  Challenging classes, demanding church callings and impatient bosses at work can leave us feeling overwhelmed.  Our homes should be a place where we can leave such stresses behind.  If we demand that our spouse perform to the best of their ability at all times, eventually, they will run out of steam.  We need to provide for each other the trust and love that accepts differences, shortcomings and even failures. 

Elder James E Faust said “We build our marriages with endless friendship, confidence, integrity, and by administering and sustaining each other in our difficulties.  The soul of the marriage is greatly enriched and the spiritual growing process is greatly strengthened when a couple becomes parents.  Parenthood should bring the greatest of all happiness.  Men grow because as fathers they must take care of their families.  Women blossom because as mothers they must forget themselves.  We understand the full meaning of love when we become parents.”  

We should be happier and our marriages stronger after the children come.  Although parenthood brings with it an entirely new set of challenges and adventures, it also provides the chance for a husband and wife to grow even closer together.

The Savior has said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come into him.”  I have a testimony that the presence of the Lord will be with us as we strive to grow closer together as a couple and as a family.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Emma Grace

A friend of mine offered to take some pictures of Emma to expand her photography portfolio, and of course I said yes!

I didn't realize she took this one, but I love it.  This is the perfect snapshot of what I get to spend my days doing- gazing lovingly at my beautiful baby.  Emma has started cooing and making eye contact- she tries so desperately to tell me all of the secrets she brought from heaven, but they only come out in "ooh's" and "ah's".  She sleeps like a baby- for better and worse- and sneezes like an 85-year old grandpa.  We just can't get enough of our sweet baby girl.

Big Boy Bed

Adam started climbing- and falling- out of his crib last week, which meant it was time for an upgrade.  And he loves it!

Something about this milestone is really tugging at my heart.  He's not my first or last baby to transition from a crib to a big kid bed, but did it have to happen so fast?  Weren't we just here yesterday?

And now we're here.

It just melts my heart.  Of course, having a big boy bed means I get to snuggle up and "lay wif me, Mom" and have bedtime conversations like this-

A- I sceered.

M- You don't need to be scared.  You have Leah here with you and the light is on and you have your Baby T-Rex (his new stegosaurus).

A- And dere's no owls in da house.

M- That's right.  So you'll be okay.

Portrait of a Genius

This was a pretty big weekend in our house.  Two nights in a row, Jason was not in bed when I woke up at 4 am to feed Emma.  He was too busy "cracking the code" of his research.  I could let him explain what that means, but all you really need to know is that the WHOLE reason that we are here- the pinnacle of his graduate research- the ticket out of graduate school- he figured it out this weekend. 

My husband is smart.  Super smart.  To illustrate- in my entire 16 years of formal education, the only class I ever had to retake (for getting a C- in, which is unacceptable at BYU) was Statistics 101.  I didn't get it the first time, I didn't get it the second time, I just got through it.  Jason, on the other hand, just finished Stats 84,736 with an A++.  Because he just gets it.  His research relies heavily on statistics, and that right there proves to me that he is a genius.  Being in graduate school, we are surrounded by geniuses, but it's nice to know I've got a resident genius living right in my house.  Thank goodness I won't be the only one around to help my kids with their math homework.

And Jason will probably be mortified when he reads this post and sees that I actually took and then posted the picture of him, "staring off into space, contemplating the meaning of corn."  Hee hee.  Hi, honey!  I'm so proud of you!