Be Warned

My family is coming out for Thanksgiving! I've been thinking of mildly annoying but mostly amusing phases that the kids are all going the through right now- things a house guest might like to know, and things that I will probably look back on with fondness in years to come. 

Noah loves to be held all the time.  I try to accommodate his requests as best I can.  If he is subjected to the confines of his car seat he screams until he's bright red all over. I hate it.  He also sleeps like a baby (meaning for stretches of only two or three hours if I'm lucky), but he doesn't cry for no reason.  I just have to figure out what each reason is each time.  Oh, and he passes gas like an old man- loud, long, and kind of stinky in a cute baby smell kind of way. 

Emma is fully into the 'why?' phase- asking "because why" about everything from why she has to take a nap to why she has to sit in her chair to why we have to get in the car to why she can't have a 'nacky nacky' right before dinner.  If she's exhausted and frustrated about being told 'no' she screams at the top of her lungs while maintaining fierce eye contact with the intended receiver of her wrath.  The rest of the time she is so completely adorable that you might find yourself agreeing to buy her a pony just because she would look so cute on it. 

Adam is easily frightened by just about everything and hates being alone ever ever ever, unless it's personal time and he's been granted computer time.  He sleeps with the light on, a phase that I know he'll grow out of.  He wakes up in the night about half of the time and runs down the hall into our room, where he needs a hug or a snuggle in our bed before he is sent back to his bed.  He has recently learned the 'up high, down low, too slow' high five and loves to tell knock-knock jokes.  He also has a 'special to me' disclaimer that gives him the right to keep any treasure or piece of garbage he wants, as long as it fits in his treasure box in his room. Oh, and as a typical four year old, he has fantastic selective hearing and the inability to move any quicker than absolutely necessary. Too much playing to do you know. I think that statement could actually be applied to all of my kids. 

Leah is trying out laughs again (I think I've mentioned this before?).  It seems like she hasn't quite figured out what 'her' laugh sounds like, so she is trying everything from a giggle to a chortle to a deep down belly laugh that sounds horribly unnatural (her current favorite).  She often sings to herself in her bed- both morning and night- which I take as a sign that she is happy and well rested- but is still a bit much in the wee hours of the morning. 

And since Jason and I have plenty of oddities, too, here are a few to round out the list.

Jason is enjoying working with wood and is currently spending a lot of his time in the garage.  He likes to start projects then 'take his time finishing them'.  I am looking forward to this week- he is taking the whole week off from work and will have plenty of time to finish up all of the projects he's been working on.  And heaven knows my honey-do list has grown quite a bit with the arrival of Noah.  Jason is continuing his love affair with Cafe Rio style pulled pork salad and swears he would eat it every day for the rest of his life if he could.  It's on the menu this week.

I also have a tendency to start projects then take my time finishing them- I started laying down shelf paper two weeks after we moved in and just finished the last drawer yesterday- hooray!  Nursing provides me with a lot of time to sit and think and make lists, but not a whole lot of free time- or free hands- to accomplish much.  I am looking forward to having extra hands around this week!  I also have a not-so-secret York drawer in my fridge- it's a tiny little compartment that is just the right size for a small supply of chocolates.  Unfortunately the kids have discovered it and their love for Yorks.  But I do share.  Usually. 

So there you have it.  A little glimpse into the quirks of our home.  And just to prove I am capable of starting and finishing a project, these pictures are from my painting project with the kids.  We call it 'Duck in a Spring Shower' and it is proudly hanging on display in the sunroom.  Can you spot the duck?

Fruit Loop Jammies!

The tradition lives on.

Noah-

Emma-

 Adam-

 Leah-

Peace and Quiet

I'm holding Noah in my arms, and he just dropped off into a dead weight kind of sleep. Quiet is settling over the house as the kids all do the same.  I am torn between heading back downstairs to finish putting the house back together for the night and just rolling over and going to sleep.  Jason is gone- he's been making late night grocery runs for me since Noah joined us. Noah is 6 weeks old today. Not very old at all. Certainly not old enough for me to feel like I've for this new gig figured out. But I keep trying and trying and trying.  Really what else can I do? I keep accepting and asking for offers to help because I need it.

The kids are all adjusting, but not as quickly as any of us would like. They cry in chorus, they wake up in the night.  They disappear when Noah's wails get too loud, they fight for the spot closest to me when I'm reading to them.

We have observed that baby Noah is most like baby Adam- he wants to be held all day long.  He escalates very quickly- I can leave him peacefully sleeping in my bed for about 8 minutes before he wakes up. I guess he can't smell me anymore.  He doesn't like to be left alone.  Adam is still the same way- he hates going anywhere by himself even now- and will accept any company that will join him.  

I look sad in this picture.  I'm not sad.  I'm tired.  I appreciate sleep so much more when I'm not getting it.  When I'm tired, I forget that a hard day will eventually end- usually followed by an exceptionally good day- and I occasionally find myself worrying that my new normal is more than I can handle.  But then I remember that Heavenly Father has trusted me with these sweet babies, and I will be able to do anything He asks me to do.  And there is nothing in this world that I would rather be than a mother.

Because even more than the exhaustion, the self-doubting, and the short-comings, I feel love.  I feel my mother heart growing every day with love for my family, when I'm feeding them, bathing them, cleaning up after them, snuggling with them, and waking up with them in the night.  I do what I do because I love them.  And there is no greater feeling than that love in the world.

The love of a mother

comes nearer to being like

the love of God

than any other kind of love.

-Joseph F. Smith

Bits of Our Days

Dinner conversation-

Me- Emma, you need to eat another bite of your spaghetti.

Her- I did!

Me- You need to eat another bite.

Her- I did!

Me- Great! Now eat one more bite.

Her- I did!

Jason- In addition to the bite you've already eaten, you need to eat another bite.

Her- Oh. Okay!

*****

Adam drew a picture of me and wrote my name- 

And then he gave me this sticker, 

because, he said, I am the world's best mummy!

*****

Leah had a total and complete meltdown last weekend- a real rarity for her that was clearly exhaustion and fatigue from long days at school and adjusting to life with a new baby and because sometimes you just need to let it all out- it all combined to create a perfect storm that she let out loud and long last night. It was so uncharacteristic of her, my heart just hurt for her. Some days life is just hard. 

*****

We went on our first family outing a few weeks back. We went to the library to do puzzles and play with trains and Legos and stock up on a new weeks worth of books. It was fun to be all together, just enjoying the moment. I want to be outside more, but it is so windy here all the time... I'm afraid winter is going to settle upon us before I get any more chances to really enjoy being outside. 

******

I'm trying so hard to have one-on-one time with each of the kids as often as I can.  It's a bit easier with Adam and Emma because they are home with me most of the time.  

Leah is a bit trickier because she is at school all day (a fact that still saddens my heart- I miss her!  And I love having a chance to miss her!). Last week we took a trip to Pizza Hut so she could cash in her Book It coupon for a little pizza.  She chatted happily the whole way there and back about school, her teacher and her friends.  It was so fun for both of us.

I'm also getting a bit of me time here and there... I got my hair cut!

 Boy did I need it!

 *****

In an effort to increase cooperation and reduce yelling and nagging around here, I created the family good helper jar.  The kids got to put blocks into the jar whenever I caught them being good, and after just three days they earned the "best family night ever" which included scoops of marshmallow fluff and intense sword fighting competitions on the Wii, nail painting and lots of popcorn.

Adam, it turns out, is very motivated by the chance to put a block into the jar, so this week we started stickers on the Thanksgiving turkey page.  We haven't set a goal to reach just yet, but he is still just as motivated to earn a sticker, doing everything from staying in his bed all night to sweeping up the crumbs on the floor to helping Emma zip up her coat.  He warmed my heart yesterday when he asked me if I could please give him one thousand chores to do so he could earn more stickers.

*****

We had a picnic in the office last week.  Boy did my kids think that was fun.

One night the kids were playing happily after dinner and I asked Jason if I could sneak off to take a bath- my favorite at-home self indulgence.  I got into the tub and had just enough time to exhale before the kids found me.  Adam scooped up bubbles and smashed them in his hands, Emma tried to climb in with me, and Leah pulled up a stool and read me "Five Minutes Peace", a picture book about a mama elephant that is looking to get some peace and quiet from her three crazy kids.  The irony was not lost on me.  After Jason shooed them all away, I had three minutes and 45 seconds of peace in the tub before Noah woke up, ready to eat.

*****

At 6 weeks, I have yet to receive a real smile from Noah.  Adam asked to hold him today, and when he did, Noah locked eyes with him and gave him the sweetest, most intentional and sincere smile I've ever seen.  Even if it wasn't directed at me, it still completely melted my heart.

One Month...

 ... has gone by so quickly.

Noah is still so sleepy.  He cries only when he needs something- to be fed, to be changed, to be held, to be rescued from the noise around him.  He loves to sleep in our bed- something I can indulge him in during the day but not so easily at night.  He has the most piercing dark gray eyes- when they are open they command attention.  He screams so desperately when he's in his car seat, but he snuffles so happily when he's bundled up in my arms.

He's brought our family so much happiness, so much exhaustion, and so much love.

Is this home?

It's about time for a state-of-our-new-home address.  We've lived in Iowa for seven months now, and in our house for nearly three.  

Since Jason assures me I've felt this way before but I only mildly remember it, I'm stating for the record that I don't really love Iowa yet.  I ADORE the people that live here- I have met tons of people that are so kind and friendly and that I am just thrilled to know and hope to get to know better as the years go by. But the town we live in is a suburb in every sense of the word. There are tons of neighborhoods and schools and grocery stores and parks and... that's it. There isn't much by way of character or quirkiness or nature even. There is no Enchanted Forest, no candy came factory or pedestrian bridge or Wabash River with it's towering trees or beautiful symphony orchestra playing in a 100 year old theater.  There is no campus nearby full of hole-in-the-wall restaurants or beautiful academic buildings and fountains and statues. There is no nearby children's museum or gummy bear factory or dairy farm or free kid-sized zoo.  There is only one library, and it doesn't have a castle or puppets or mechanical fish (but it does have a fantastic selection of puzzles and trains and duplos). There are not enough trees here. And it's windy all the time. 

And more importantly, there are not enough memories here. I know that is the biggest difference between where we came from and where we are. It just doesn't feel like home yet. 

And we won't know how long this will be home.  When we moved to Indiana we knew that we had three or four years to make it our home before he graduated.  And boy, did that day come quickly, despite all of the long days and nights along the way.  And while Jason assures me that we will be here for at least five years, it's not a sure thing. I suppose nothing in life is a sure thing. There are a lot of changes happening at his office, and we just don't know for sure how long we'll be here.  The military brat in me is keeping a safe distance, just in case. But I don't really like that.  I want to dive right in and settle right down. And even where my intentions are good, my reality is that I just had a baby. Getting dressed isn't always a sure thing, getting out the door is even harder. Making witty getting-to-know-you conversation and planning fun outings with friends is pretty low on the list right now, trumped by my need to get some sleep! 

But we're getting there.  Home is what we make it. 

And, in the ultimate of first world problems, I have to note that all those years of 'making do' with the promise to ourselves that we'd replace things after graduate school is turning out to be quite a task. When you're looking at replacing everything that has been loved and stretched and worn out- from our beloved garage-sale-find vacuum cleaner to our car, our worn-out home decor to our ill-fitting clothes (including Jason's entire wardrobe- someday he'll have time to blog about losing all that weight!), well, the list is longer than the paycheck, that's for sure.  And we get to add in the fun-but-daunting task of taking care of our lovely new home, with everything from landscaping to finishing the basement on our list of want-to-do's around the house.  Given that we are a cash-only family, we're certainly pacing ourselves. Life post-graduate school is awesome, but it's still life- coming at us one day and one paycheck and one worn out couch to be replaced at a time. 

When you're only halfway up...

I'm halfway through my postpartum 'cocoon of healing', and definitely feeling neither up nor down. I'm tired- not so tired as I was two weeks ago but still so tired that I spend at least an hour each day actively trying to sleep and as much of the rest of the day as possible snuggled up on the couch or bed with any number of my babies around me.

I'm starting to really wish I was back to the old me, but not willing to push myself back to normal just yet. I miss cooking but I can't figure out when in my day of nursing and burping and cuddling and resting I could possibly fit in any kind of extensive food preparation, so we continue to eat gratefully from our freezer.  I miss getting together with other moms to talk and let our kids play, but not so much that I am willing or able to set up much in the way of get-togethers.  I miss my regularly scheduled life, but not so much that I'm bouncing back to library storytime or helping in the classrooms just yet.  I just recently started wearing pants that have zippers and buttons again.  I only put make-up on every few days.  I'm trying to take it slow while life is speeding along.

   

I know my kids miss their mama. There are no requests to send the baby back to the hospital but I can tell by their constant tears, midnight wakings and need to be close to me that they are each struggling to find their new place in our family.  I am sure they are all wondering what the benefit of this new baby brother is to our family- he cries so loudly, wakes up at all hours of the night, and takes up so much of my lap and arms and hands and time.

I wish I could help them understand what an adjustment this is for me, too.

Pretty much all day long I bounce from one dirty diaper to another dirty face, from one homework assignment to the next meal to be cleaned up. I try to take each moment as they come, but just after I've congratulated myself for successfully managing one toddler-sized crisis I turn around and completely fail at handling the next one.  I try to do as much as I can to ask as little of Jason as needed, but the days seem so short.  There is a lot to do.  We are all working to figure out the new normal.

I'm more selfish with my time now, knowing that my excuse of just having had a baby will be expiring soon.  If there is a chance that I can fit some extra sleep into my day, I squeeze it in.  Twice since Noah's arrival I have snuck off to take a bath at the most irregular of times- once while Jason was handling the kids at a trunk-or-treat with his mom- and the whole time I just giggled and sighed to myself about what a rare self indulgence it was.  I read a novel last week- a fluffy love story- because I'm nursing again and I have a lot of time to sit and read.  Sometimes I read the scriptures, sometimes I read to the kids, sometimes I read to myself.  It's lovely.

And time keeps marching on.  I listen to Noah's cries and marvel at his tiny fingers and whimper to myself when he starts whimpering (again) in the night. And I know it's all so fleeting.  And I love it, because I know it's a stage and- love it or leave it- it's going to be over in the blink of a very tired eye.  And I try to soak up as much of the good of it all as I can.  

Grandma Time!

 Grandma brings energy, love, excitement, books, 

costumes, snuggles, advice, treats, adult conversation and HELP!

 And we love it all!  

Halloween has come and gone

Of all of the upcoming holidays, I gave myself the most grace about Halloween this year.  Not knowing when our little mister would arrive or how old he would be come Halloween night, my expectations remained very low in terms of celebrating this year.  We never did make it to a pumpkin patch, nor did we purchase pumpkins to carve into jack-o-lanterns (a fact that no one even mentioned until the day after Halloween). Our annual Halloween cookie decorating party was so low key this year it barely even happened.  And not once did we watch Spookly the Square Pumpkin or the Great Pumpkin.  But we still had a fine time dressing up and singing our favorite Halloween songs and we all have been eating way too much candy.  It was still a perfectly fun holiday.

This year we had Pocahontas-

a pirate named Jake- 

a Minnie Mouse who refused to replace her princess crown with the tell-tale black ears-  

and one adorably tiny lobster- 

 Jason took the kids out trick or treating- 

 Noah and I stayed home to pass out candy.  

 Growing up we always trick or treated at our own house to finish off the night.  I love that our kids do the same thing.

And then it was on to the candy feast!  The kids were most excited about the Cheetos and the fruit snacks, which left more chocolate for me!

We also managed a few other Halloween festivities over the course of the month- cookie decorating with our sweet neighbors-

a craft or two-

and caramel apple dipping, thanks to Grandma!

And, as always, I'm looking forward to the peaceful gratitude and relative calm that comes with Thanksgiving.