Things That Make Me Happy

Brothers!  Adam and Noah are developing a beautiful brotherly bond. In a peaceful moment on my bed, Adam offered to babysit Noah. As I ducked in and out of the room, I heard, "Okay Noah- do you want to play Eye Spy or Kiss the Baby?"  They have their own brother games!

These windows- we added them to the design of our house and I love them so much.  They bring so much extra light into the house, which I especially love at sunset when I can see the beauty of the western sky.

My blog!  I was reading old posts the other day and was reminded of some of the fun things we've done in the past, including fingerpainting with pudding.  It was a hit all over again!

Naptime.  It's a real rarity around here when Emma, Noah, and Adam are all quiet and/or sleeping at the same time, but I absolutely love the stillness of the house in the middle of the afternoon. 

I also (generally) love the craziness that comes once naptime is over.  The mudroom is spilling over with wet boots and coats and backpacks.  The kids are scavenging for snacks and getting excited and loud and happy again.  I also love routines.  I've started hitting daily responsibilities pretty hard again, and so far the kids are responding quite happily to it.  Our afternoon routine includes snacks, homework, chores, reading and violin and piano practice, usually with plenty of time left over to play before dinner. 

I love our sunroom!  A friend commented to me once that we would especially love it in the bleak of mid-February, and boy was she right!  The light in this room fills our home up with happiness all day long. 

 This silly little pacifier.  Try as I might to persuade him otherwise, Noah is not much of a pacifier-taker.  Even when there is a fuzzy triceratops attached to it. 

 Crafternoons!

 Finger suckers!

 My method for sorting clean laundry!  Toss everything from the dryer directly to the room it belongs in and then fold it up and put it away.  It works for me.   

Storytime!

And a few not pictured- 

The fact that Jason always says the same things when he walks in the door each night.  "How was your day?... How can I help?"

A really good night's sleep- meaning 4 or more hours in one stretch!

A night out with friends. 

Kisses blown my way. 

A secret stash of chocolate!

A hand to hold. 

Kids that say "I'm sorry" and "What's my chore?" and "How can I help?" and "Mommy, you're the best mommy in the whole wide world!"- and I can trust that they actually mean it because their frame of reference is rather limited!

Today...

There was a blizzard today.  Adam and I charted the hourly weather forecast and compared it to the whirling swirling mess outside our windows.  

Jason opted to work from home to avoid the bad roads.  I like the days when he "works from home" but today he really, actually worked.  It was still nice to see him throughout the day.

I jumped at the chance to have lunch with Leah at school. 

She is really in the "making silly faces in pictures" phase. 

I love seeing her being silly with her friends.  She's pretty tall compared to some of them!

Adam and Emma were delighted to see the snow pellets that were falling.  

And Emma and I even braved the cold for a bit.  

She is in love with her new pink jacket, which was perfectly appropriate for yesterday's 45 degree weather. 

Then school was dismissed two hours early because of the weather.  We enjoyed a regular afternoon at home then the evening got a little desperate around the time the kids started blowing up balloons and then filling them with water and letting them go crazy all over the basement.  Our first winter in Iowa has been a very long and cold one.  Cabin fever is taking on a new level around here. 

Nursing Noah

I love the 15 (or 20... or 25) minute break I get every few hours to escape to the quiet of Noah's room to nurse him.  The natural light in his room is beautiful and my rocking chair is just as comfy as it was when we first bought it 7 years ago.  I have accidentally spent many hours sleeping in the rocker, baby in my arms, over the years.  The first nursing session each morning is when I read the scriptures.

This is my first time nursing a baby and having an iPhone, and that has proven to be a blessing and a curse.  I love being able to answer emails and texts and write blog posts and check in on bank accounts and Facebook and look up recipes and read the weather and news reports all while I'm nursing- talk about multitasking!  But the curse is that when my eyes are on my phone, they aren't on my baby.  And then sometimes I miss those fleeting full belly dream smiles or the adorable fluttering of eyelids just before they close for good.  So I deliberately leave my phone behind a few times each day and just relax and enjoy holding and rocking and smelling my sweet baby boy.

And we always have lots of visitors that think they have perfected the art of whispering- each one causing Noah's eyes to go flying open.

Leah- Mom! Can I write on the back of this paper? (She is currently transforming the sunroom into a bookshop and needs to make signs).

Emma- Mooooooooommy!  I get a bonk!  I have a boo-boo!  I need you kiss me!

Adam- Mom!  I just love you so much and I always want to be with you and... hey!  Can I play on your phone?

And even Jason- Hey.  How was your day?  What's for dinner?  What do you mean I'm not whispering!?

I remember having a conversation with another mom once about nursing babies.  She was shocked that I had even attempted nursing my second baby with a busy toddler around.  But I've found, as the years and babies go by, that I love it- and need the break- more now as ever.

Down in the depths of the basement

The state of our basement is one that I try, I really try to ignore.  However, having been confined to our house for the last two months due to constant subzero temperatures, the basement has become an essential place of fun and play.  Only not so much fun or play, because lately it looks like this-

(This picture is a few months old.  Multiply it by those months, stick a bounce house on top of it, and you'll get an idea of today's mess.)

The mess gets bigger and bigger and bigger until we dedicate half of a Saturday to cleaning it up, then it starts all over again.  But not this time.  I wrote this in the heat of the moment last week after I had finally had enough.

I realized today that I spend more time picking up messes than I do actually playing with my kids.  More time nagging the kids to clean up their rooms and threatening a visit from Mr. Butler than snuggling with them and reading stories before bedtime.  More time sorting piles of stuff than enjoying much of any of it.

I also realized that there is one quick and easy way to remedy that problem.  And today I did it.

Call me the meanest mommy in the world, but today I boxed up 95% of my kids toys, and I'm not sure when or if I'll give them back.  They still have their favorites, but the rest of it is out of sight, out of my mind for now.  I'm beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase 'This hurts me more than it hurts you' because a lot of those toys represented love, fun memories, and good times.  But today it all just looked like a frustrating pile of junk.

I was raised in the military, which meant that at least every two years our entire house was boxed up with no real promise if or when we would see our stuff again.  I don't recall ever having a toy room that was stuffed to the brim or a closet that was a hazard to open.  I only had a few real treasures, and I loved growing up that way.  Stuff was just stuff, take it or leave it.  It is exactly how I want my family to view stuff.  But somehow, whether it be the lack of a finished basement/place to store everything or forgetting to go "out with the old and in with the new (even though new toys are always so, so much more fun than the old ones it's so hard to get rid of the old ones!) or just real disrespect for all of it, too many of our treasures have turned into piles of just stuff.  And that worries me.

Because, "Children can't spoil themselves, you know".  And I don't want to raise kids that have no idea how blessed they are or who can't take care of the stuff they have because it's just too much stuff.  When I walk into the basement my temperature rises because I am so overwhelmed by the stuff (think 7 years worth of toys with nowhere to go but everywhere).  And if I'm overwhelmed, how must my kids feel?  My kids can't handle the responsibility of an empty basement full of toys and rooms with toys that have to be put away 13 times a day.  So why force it upon them?  Maybe we'll get to that point, but for today, it's just too much stuff. So it's gone.

And, of course, after the initial tears dried, they were thrilled to have such a big open space to enjoy.  And when Leah got home, they all sat down there and read a book on what is still the most comfy couch we have.  I'm glad the real treasures are still around to make us all smile again.

(And someday we'll pick out our favorites and then get rid of the rest.  And someday I'll be sad because my kids are too old to play with all those baby toys anyway.  But for today, I'm feeling a whole lot lighter all around.) 

I am still holding all of those toys hostage, and loving it.  The kids can ride their bikes down there now and last weekend we had a hilarious Morales Family Olympic Night.  There was an obstacle course and basketball game and limbo and lots of laughing and fun.  

I'm completely embarrassed to even share the state of our basement with the blogging world, but what I really want to remember here is that we do not need stuff to be happy.  No one does!  We have been blessed far beyond our needs simply because we have a happy, healthy family.  Everything else is just stuff.  And I never want that stuff to take over the living of our wonderful life. 

Pure Joy

I don't suppose I can take back the things I've said about Noah being among my more difficult of newborns, but I am so happy to report that in the last six weeks we have turned a very big corner and this little sweetie has become nothing but pure joy!  He is all smiles and drool and coos and consistent, predictable naps and only crying when he's tired and... He actually lets me set him down!  And then he smiles at me from a distance!  And I can cook or clean or play with my other babies.  It's truly revolutionary.

I knew we were having a hard time, but I didn't realize quite how difficult the first few months were until I was able to make plans to visit a friend and say with confidence, 'I think we can make it without Noah screaming through the whole visit this time!'  When asked in a conversation with a mother of five grown children and a mother of six school-aged kids how things are going in our house, I over-enthusiastically declared, 'Great!  Noah is so happy now and I don't have to lock myself in a dark bathroom with the fan on to get him to stop screaming anymore!'  There were some crickets in the silence as they realized I wasn't joking.

Sure we still have easier and harder days, but by and large Mr. Noahcakes has mellowed out and become the sweetest little thing around.  Of course, one day he was crying and Adam informed me it was because he doesn't like being called 'Mr. Noahcakes.'  Oops. So we're trying out other nicknames.  "Squiggle-britches" is my current favorite, but I can see how that one would make Noah cry, too.  

I Mustache You A Question...

Are your Valentines as cute as mine?  

Our Valentines Day was so fun!  Flowers from Mexico, packages galore, Valentines parties, crafts, love notes and chocolate everywhere!  We all felt so loved.  

Skishy

While sitting together on the couch and reading stories, Emma started poking and prodding at my stomach.  She was delighted with how far in she could shove her hand before there was any resistence.  And I knew what was coming next.

E- Mom, you have a baby in dere?

M- Nope, no baby.

E- No baby?  No baby in dere?  

M- Nope.

E- Den why you so skishy?

I just smiled.  In about 25 years, she'll understand why. 

One-On-One

Last Saturday I got to spend one-on-one time with each my my kids.  Emma and I went to her first birthday party together.  She stayed close to me and was happy to observe the party happenings from my lap- a place she is always quick to claim when Noah isn't around.  

Leah and I went to a baptism at our church.  We had a good conversation about what she is looking forward to with her baptism.  We made a pact to attend the baptisms of all of the kids in our Primary class together this year.  She will be the very last one!

Noah and I get a good bit of alone time together every day, but it's always extra enjoyable when Jason is around to keep the other kids from shrieking and running around and barging in on us.  I think Noah would do really well to be an only child- he loves our one-on-one time an awful lot (and so do I!).

It was warm enough that day to really enjoy the fluffy snow and Adam was having a blast sledding down our little backyard hill.  I really wanted to join him, so as soon as Noah fell asleep I quickly put on my snow pants, coat, gloves, boots, hat and... Noah woke up!  I desperately asked Leah to keep Noah company and then rushed outside, where Adam and I laughed and jumped and ran and face-planted on our sleds for a good ten minutes before we came back inside- him because his gloves were failing him and me because the missionaries arrived and Noah was up and screaming and, and always, too soon it was time to get back to life.  

I wish every day could be a one-on-one with Mom day. 

How Do We Do It?

We are in the middle of the third of four trips Jason is taking this winter.  Just like any day that he is here, I have ups and downs.  But when he's gone, those ups and downs seem higher and lower.  He's really only here and helping a few hours each day, but those few hours make all the difference in my sanity.  When he's gone things are different.  How do I make it work when Jason is gone?  Let me remind myself for the future.

15. I make sure that I have alone time- by myself, all alone, just me- before he leaves.  Sometimes I go to the store, sometimes the library, sometimes I just lock myself in my room.  But I take it, and I don't feel guilty about it one bit.  (Just like I don't think Jason feels too guilty about eating at restaurants that have a view like that one up there!)

14. I try to make it fun for those of us that are left behind.  I buy real chocolate milk and junky cereal, and the kids love it.  I plan crafts and we go to exotic places like Petsmart or the Burger King playplace.

13. I admit that it's hard.  I don't really love being the walking portrait of a crazy woman, but I've kind of given up on smiling and saying "everything is fine."  Instead I say, "It's hard.  It's really hard.  I hate it, actually.  Do you have any advice on how to get through?"  And then I either make a friend or I avoid someone that I can't relate to in this season of my life.  And I'm grateful for both.

12. Packages from Grandma!  My mom has an amazing way of knowing just what to send and when to keep my kids happy and entertained when we all need it most. 

11. I give myself more slack around the house.  If the dishes aren't done today, I know I can do them tomorrow... or not.  "If it is to be, it's up to me."

10. Lots of chocolate.  

9. Lots of playdates with friends.  Kid interaction for the kids, adult interaction for me.

8. I go to bed early so I can deal with whatever the night may bring me.  Usually I take care of Noah and Jason takes care of the rest, but when he's gone, it's all up to me. So I rest up.

7. I bend my own rules.  I have a pretty strict policy about not taking my kids out of the house around bedtime.  Tonight I took all four of them with me to the library and then to an activity with friends and ladies at church.  We all needed to get out. 

6. We eat dinner earlier. 

5. I use the TV as a babysitter when I need to take a break.

4. Bubble baths!

3. I text, talk and FaceTime with my mom, my sisters, my friends... I reach out a lot.  

2. Lots and lots and lots of prayer.  

1. I remind myself that some day I will get to go with him!  Then this time of year will be my favorite part of his job.  And in the meantime, I don't worry too much about not being thrilled for him and his exciting vacations business trips.  I admit that life is unfair in his favor- this time around- and then I pull myself up by my house slippers and get back to work... always grateful that his work allows me to do the work I believe in the most.

Zoom Out

The calm... 

In the middle of the storm.

Don't Forget

We got home from church last week and Emma couldn't find Noah, who was resting nearby in his carseat.  She ran up to me and frantically said, "Mom!  We forgot... me baby Noah!"

When we were at the Mall of America, Adam was so proud of his Lego store purchase.  He sat down next to at least three different boys that he saw that were also carrying bright yellow bags and effortlessly struck up conversations with each of them about their various purchases.  I am always so proud of his ability to talk to anyone fearlessly.

When Emma woke up from her nap one day, she poked her head into my room with her giant blue eyes shining.  She could hear the TV on downstairs and asked, "Mom!  Please me go watch a show with dose kids?"  I said yes.  Her manners are impeccable for such a little lady.  When I mentioned that tonight, Leah said, "That's because she's a little princess!" 

Last week Emma figured out that she can get out of her big girl bed all by herself after naptime.  She came tiptoeing down the stairs, found me at the computer and ran over, exclaiming, "I get out of me bed all by me-self!"

After discovering the pile of Christmas decorations waiting to be put away in the basement, Emma wrapped her arms around her favorite one and exclaimed, "Santa Claus!  I miss you so much! I so proud of you!"  This is the same decoration that she refused to go near during the entire month of December because "I don't like me no Christmas.  Him's too sceeeery." 

Emma has a cold that has turned her voice into that of an old woman.  She says thing like 'someone needs to go upstairs and get me some medicine.' It's adorable and hilarious.

Leah's response to the best part about Fridays?  That you don't have to go to school the next morning.  She is quickly learning to appreciate the laziness of a Saturday morning, but will often wake up early just so she can read a few more chapters of her latest book.

She lost her fifth tooth last night and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed because she hadn't lost it at school.  She is desperate to get one of the school-provided "tooth lockers".  She was completely thrilled to discover another loose tooth this afternoon.  We're all hoping this one comes out in school, and Adam told her as much out of the blue tonight while they were unloading the dishwasher.

Both of my boys ended up in my bed one night, then slept through the girls getting up and ready for the day.  After breakfast I came up and heard Adam "Awesome! You got it!  Mom, me and Noah were playing a game where he tried to punch me on the nose and he did it!  All by himself!" 

Adam loves to hug and kiss me all day long.  He tells me that he wants to marry me when he grows up.   Lately his little heart seems to be overflowing with happiness and love, which makes my heart so happy, too.  I taught him how to blow a kiss last night, and today he sent one my way in Primary.  It was the highlight of my day.  

Adam loves his new preschool, which makes us both as happy as can be.  We were debating last week as to whether school would be cancelled due to the weather.  We did a thumbs up, thumbs down vote for those that would be in favor of school being cancelled.  Adam's was the only thumb that was down, and he was the only one that was right!  School was still on the next morning.

Because she hears all kinds of elementary school language from her big sister, Emma correctly says words like freaky.  As in, "Stop it, Adam!  Him's too feeky!"

Emma went to a birthday party yesterday and quickly caught on to the mystery and joy of the goody bag.  With every treasure she collected, she said, "Dis is for me goody bag!"  It was such a delight.

Jason's out of the country again.  After braving church alone today I brought the kids home and needed to put half of them down for naps.  It struck me as quite amazing that my older two were quite content to sit at the table and work on their Valentines for their classmates while I tended to the needs of the younger ones.  Our family sure does seem to be growing up too quick.

Four Months

Four months already... be still my aching mama heart.  This little boy has me wrapped so tightly around his pudgy little fist that I hardly know what to do with myself.  I love that so much of my days revolves around Mr. Noahcakes and his chubba-wubbas (which generally refers to all of the adorable pudginess he's gaining).  At least six times a day I use the excuse of feeding Noah as a chance to put my feet up and rest from the craziness of the day.  It's a legitimate excuse, of course, and I love it.  He keeps me hopping, and he helps me slow down.

He loves his mama,

the sanctuary that is his crib,

and his hands.

He has become a total drool bucket.

He loves to smile at me, scowl at everyone else, and has very little tolerance for the noise levels his siblings can produce.

He has started a funny trick of going down for what I think is a nap at 4 or 5 or 6 in the afternoon, then sleeping until 10 or 11 or later, waking up right as my weary head hits the pillow.  It gives me a great chance to stay present with the kids (and Jason, when he's not traveling) through dinner, baths, and bedtime.  Except for one night recently when I was at the very end of my rope for the day and I used the time to lock myself in my room, lay on my bed in the fetal position, and reflect on the various disappointments and mini-crises I had navigated through that day.  There was last Friday night, too, when Noah fell into a deep sleep right before I picked up the babysitter.  Jason and I very left the babysitter with strict instructions to call us as soon as he woke up, then we got to go out on a date- just the two of us.  We ate at an awesome Thai place (recommended to us by our awesome secret Santas!) and them grabbed some ice cream (in sub-zero temperatures) and drove around and talked and laughed until the babysitter called to say that Noah was up and wailing.  It was great.  So, whatever my use of the hours, I love that he is learning to appreciate extended periods of sleep.

He loves to munch on his bottom lip, and has even started laughing- an adorable little "heh heh heeeee"- and telling me all kinds of heavenly stories and secrets with his "goo... gggggooooo's".  I just love it.

He still prefers to be held most of the time that he is awake, but will tolerate distractions by way of swings, Bumbos, and such in small doses.  Then it's back to Mommy's arms... for a few more months anyway, so I am usually happy to oblige.  He keeps me quite warm on these long, frigid winter days!  We make a pretty great team.