It's {Not} a Boy!

Or a girl!

I've made lots of announcements on this blog over the years, so it only seems fitting that I make one more reproduction announcement while I can.

We're done having babies!

That's right.  We have decided.  Finally.  We're done.

We didn't know for sure that we were done when Noah was born.  Jason and I both come from families with five kids, so we've always said that five is our upper limit.  So even after Noah was born and we were enjoying/surviving the newborn year again, we didn't know for sure if it would be the last time.  So we just enjoyed/survived it as it was.

And now that we are approaching the 18-month mark, we've been spending a lot of time talking and thinking and praying about what the next move is for our family.  A lot.  We've fasted and prayed and attended the temple and talked and talked and talked some more.  We've talked to close friends and family members that we love and respect, we've weighed the pros and cons, we've consider all of our options from as many angles as we could come up with.

And it has all led us back to the same place.

We're done.

We love our family.  We have already been blessed beyond measure.  We're busy, and tired, and our hearts and hands are full.  We are so excited to move forward- three boys and three girls- to the future for our family.

And it feels great!

It is hard to believe that we're closing the childbearing chapter of our lives, but it's been a wonderful 10 years!

2006- The day we found out we were going to be a family of three!

 2006- The day before Leah was born- 

 2007- Our first family of three photo- 

 2009- Our last family of three photo (I was three hours from giving birth to Adam in this picture)- 

 2009- Our first family of four photo- 

 2011- Our last family of four photo... kind of.  

 2011- Party of five!

  2013- Our last picture as a party of five- 

 2013- The fabulous four finally meet- 

 2015- And have stuck together ever since.  

Family closure FAQs-

Are you sad?  
Not really.  I'm excited!  I'm thrilled to never worry about pregnancy or labor and delivery or breastfeeding or sleepless newborn nights again.  I just get to look forward to all of the joy of raising the family that we've got, and experiencing sleepless nights by way of teenagers.

Really?  You'll never get to experience moments like this again!

True.  I won't.  But I experienced it four times, and those moments were the very sweetest of my life.  (That moment is also sitting on my nightstand, I loved it so much.)

Do you feel like you've given up by not having five?
Nope.  I did a little bit when we first started talking about being done, but, as a sweet friend of mine said, I know my limits and I don't want to cross them.  And another (mom of five) friend told me having four kids seemed like a brilliant way to maintain sanity to her!  Four is no small number, and I want to give all I can to raising these four right!  Plus I really like even numbers.  Six feels very right to us.

What if you change your mind?
We won't.  And if we do.... well, we won't.

What do the kids think?
The only one who is old enough to really remember what it's like to have a new sibling turn her world upside down (again, and again, and again) is pretty darn excited about it.  The oldest brother occasionally makes comments like, "if we ever have another baby, we have to make sure it has an "A" in it's name because everyone in our family has an "A" in their name."  The littles two don't seem to mind or care just yet, as they are too busy ruling the roost around here.

What are you doing with all the baby stuff?
That has been my major spring cleaning project this year.  I've kept a box full of my most important blankets, clothes, and such, and the rest has moved on to bless other mothers.  And boy has it been a project!  Thankfully I've had good helpers who haven't been at all interested in climbing into every pile of clothing, blankets, toys and equipment they find.

So what's next?
This is the first time in the last ten years that I haven't been trying to get pregnant, pregnant, nursing, or thinking about getting pregnant again.  I loved those years.  We were growing our family and following God's hand in our lives as we did.  And we will continue to follow Him as we move forward.  For now it just feels pretty glorious to say... I don't know what's next!  We are just thrilled to know that we are going to do it- whatever it is- as our family of six.  Bring on the future!

When you're only halfway up...

I'm halfway through my postpartum 'cocoon of healing', and definitely feeling neither up nor down. I'm tired- not so tired as I was two weeks ago but still so tired that I spend at least an hour each day actively trying to sleep and as much of the rest of the day as possible snuggled up on the couch or bed with any number of my babies around me.

I'm starting to really wish I was back to the old me, but not willing to push myself back to normal just yet. I miss cooking but I can't figure out when in my day of nursing and burping and cuddling and resting I could possibly fit in any kind of extensive food preparation, so we continue to eat gratefully from our freezer.  I miss getting together with other moms to talk and let our kids play, but not so much that I am willing or able to set up much in the way of get-togethers.  I miss my regularly scheduled life, but not so much that I'm bouncing back to library storytime or helping in the classrooms just yet.  I just recently started wearing pants that have zippers and buttons again.  I only put make-up on every few days.  I'm trying to take it slow while life is speeding along.

   

I know my kids miss their mama. There are no requests to send the baby back to the hospital but I can tell by their constant tears, midnight wakings and need to be close to me that they are each struggling to find their new place in our family.  I am sure they are all wondering what the benefit of this new baby brother is to our family- he cries so loudly, wakes up at all hours of the night, and takes up so much of my lap and arms and hands and time.

I wish I could help them understand what an adjustment this is for me, too.

Pretty much all day long I bounce from one dirty diaper to another dirty face, from one homework assignment to the next meal to be cleaned up. I try to take each moment as they come, but just after I've congratulated myself for successfully managing one toddler-sized crisis I turn around and completely fail at handling the next one.  I try to do as much as I can to ask as little of Jason as needed, but the days seem so short.  There is a lot to do.  We are all working to figure out the new normal.

I'm more selfish with my time now, knowing that my excuse of just having had a baby will be expiring soon.  If there is a chance that I can fit some extra sleep into my day, I squeeze it in.  Twice since Noah's arrival I have snuck off to take a bath at the most irregular of times- once while Jason was handling the kids at a trunk-or-treat with his mom- and the whole time I just giggled and sighed to myself about what a rare self indulgence it was.  I read a novel last week- a fluffy love story- because I'm nursing again and I have a lot of time to sit and read.  Sometimes I read the scriptures, sometimes I read to the kids, sometimes I read to myself.  It's lovely.

And time keeps marching on.  I listen to Noah's cries and marvel at his tiny fingers and whimper to myself when he starts whimpering (again) in the night. And I know it's all so fleeting.  And I love it, because I know it's a stage and- love it or leave it- it's going to be over in the blink of a very tired eye.  And I try to soak up as much of the good of it all as I can.  

Due Date

October 23rd.  Today is my due date. 

Just like four years ago, I'm so glad I have these little cuties to look forward to snuggling today, instead of facing labor and delivery.

The Birth Story

Noah decided to give his tired mama relief from this pregnancy by coming 2 weeks early, and boy did he get here quickly! At 85 minutes total for labor and delivery in the hospital (in the hospital- yay!), we have a new record.

We had gone through so many different scenarios of how and when the baby brother was going to arrive.  If Jason was at work, Leah and Adam were at school, and Emma was with me, how could we possibly get everyone together and where they needed to be in enough time to get to the hospital?  It seemed that our best hope was to have labor start in the middle of the night when we were all gathered together in our home. I guess Noah thought so, too.

(The last picture I took of my pregnant self- at 37 weeks- one week before Noah's birth day) 

For three weeks prior to his arrival, my doctor's appointments indicated that progress was slowly being made.  I didn't expect labor to start this early- my due date was October 23rd- but at the same time, I was starting to feel done.  Surely there was no way that I was going to make it another two weeks- or longer.  My body ached constantly, I wasn't sleeping, and it seemed that the baby was growing bigger than my body had any room left for.  After a busy Tuesday that included a doctor's appointment, walking to and from school twice, a walk to the park, an unexplained burst of energy in which I prepared an additional 6 freezer meals and deep cleaned my kitchen, and a nice long prenatal yoga session to finish off the day, I went to be around 11 PM.

I woke up at 2 AM because my water broke.

I hurried into the bathroom, half asleep and hoping that maybe I was wrong (it was the middle of the night!  and I was tired! and Jason was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up or call over our on-call baby-sitter friends), but I quickly realized I wasn't.  I hesitated for about 30 seconds, then remembered that time was very much of the essence here.  I woke Jason up and told him my water broke and it was time to go to the hospital. He hopped right up and got to work gathering towels to protect his car, cleaning up a clothes sorting mess I had left in Emma's room and finding pillows for our baby-sitters. I called the baby-sitters at 2:07 and explained that my water broke.  I stumbled over my words a bit, 'I guess... I mean we need to go to the hospital now.' I still couldn't believe it was time, but that's what ran us out of time last time.  I had to get moving.  They said they'd come right over.  I was having contractions every few minutes that were quickly getting stronger and closer together.

Before I went downstairs I went into each of the kid's rooms to see them one more time and to try to squeeze a little more love into their hearts (in their sleep) before I left for a few days.  Time stood still for a few seconds as I hovered over each of their beds, contemplating the huge changes that were about to take place.  I  wrote then a note that read "Good Morning Emma, Adam and Leah! Today is the day! The baby brother's birthday! We went to the hospital and are so excited to see you again soon. We love you so much!" I had to stop writing twice for contractions, which were coming along quicker and stronger.  Jason offered me a priesthood blessing and we hopped into the car at 2:25.  We waved to the baby-sitters (who had just pulled up) and drove off into the night. 

The roads were empty. We got to the hospital at 2:45. I made Jason stop to take this picture with me (it's tradition!) and then we hurried upstairs. I was wearing a shirt, a beach towel and no shoes. They admitted us right away. The front desk lady said I was clearly in too much pain for her. I wasn't able to talk through the contractions, but at least they weren't dropping me to my knees. 

We got into the labor and delivery room at 2:55. All I wanted to do was use the bathroom, but there were several nurses there who wanted to start an IV, have me sign papers, put a hospital gown on me and check my progress (I was dilated 7 cm). I really just wanted them all to leave me alone, but that wasn't going to happen. I was kind enough (I think) in between contractions, but once another one started up I focused on getting through the pain and trying to stay relaxed. They coaxed me up on to the bed, which I really didn't want, but I did find some relief in laying on my side. I was there for about 5 minutes breathing through contractions when I started to feel the urge to push. Big time. So I did. The head nurse told me that I couldn't push yet because the doctor wasn't there. I told her I didn't care who was there- this baby was ready to come out! She told me I needed to let my cervix fully dilate so I had to try not to push just yet. I believed that a bit more and tried to breathe through the urges. I was still laying on my side when the doctor came in. There were at least 7 nurses in the room now, some helping me, some waiting to help the baby. They all stepped aside when the doctor walked in and let her take over. She told me I has to get on my back because it was a safer way for her to deliver the baby. I really didn't want to- as soon as I did I stopped feeling the urge to push and felt instead like my entire body was being ripped in half. It was the ring of fire, I suppose, because Noah was born immediately.

All of the pain and noise and directions and encouragement stopped. He was here! They lifted him up into my arms and I held him while they rubbed him clean. Jason cut the cord (so he later told me- I totally missed that part), the doctor stitched me up and in just a few minutes, I delivered the placenta.  After that, one of the nurses said, 'Yay! You're not pregnant anymore!' Amen to that. It was an incredible feeling of relief.

He was born at 3:25- 30 minutes after we got to the hospital and just 85 minutes after I woke up. 

Once Noah was weighed and cleaned up, they gave him back to me and he started to nurse like a champ. I had the usual shakes and asked for blankets and socks. I asked Jason if he saw for sure that Noah was a boy- he said yes. 

The room was much quieter now- the lights had been dimmed and most of the nurses had left. Before they left, one nurse asked me if I would have gotten an epidural, has their been time.  I'm sure I would have asked for an epidural if needed.  I'm glad I didn't have time to need it though- the ability to get up and walk around shortly after giving birth was wonderful. 

Another nurse told me I was a birthing pro and asked if I would teach the birthing classes at the hospital. I laughed and said no! I'm sure I'm a horrible example of how to endure through the process of giving birth.  It seems that my body works secretly and effectively for a few weeks leading up to the birth day, and then zooms full speed ahead at the last minute.  I know my last two experiences with birth are not quite normal, but they are mine and I'm grateful for them nonetheless.  I'd take this experience over the terrifying emergency c-section I experienced with Leah any day.  Well, any due date.

After we called our moms and cleaned up some more, we headed to the recovery floor. I was full of endorphins and so happy to see my healthy baby boy and SO thrilled to be done, Jason was exhausted and ready to take a nap, and Noah was here! I couldn't stop snuggling and hugging and kissing him. 

The rest of our hospital stay was fairly textbook- nurses and doctors barging into our room at all hours to poke and prod at us combined with restful hours of sleep and nothing more to do than order room service and examine every inch of our beautiful baby boy. 

Jason stayed with us the first night and at home with the kids the second night. He brought them in to meet Noah both days- they were all completely enchanted by him and so excited about the books and cookies they got. They each held him and we sang him 'Happy Birthday'. 

We were all very much ready to go home by Friday.  Now we're all together again and learning all about our new normal.

I mentioned to someone last week about how excited I was to stop wondering how this pregnancy story was going to end.  And now we know the whole story.  We are so grateful that Noah's birth went as smoothly as it did.  We feel like our prayers were truly answered, and that Heavenly Father took care of our family, our needs and all of our concerns, too.  We are so blessed to have Noah in our family, and we are excited to start this new great chapter in the story of our family.

Getting Ready for the Baby Brother

We finally took a trip to the hospital this weekend for the long-anticipated sibling class (the class that seemed so far away when I initially looked into it months ago- it's here!).

The kids had a great time learning about germs, washing their hands, and helping to take care of their new baby brother.  The very best part, of course, was the trip into the nursery, where we got to see tiny brand new little babies!  Emma had so much fun changing her baby's diaper- 4 times!

Adam was the star of the show- answering all of the questions loud and clear and fully absorbing everything the nurse teacher told him.  He double-checked his cradle hold while gently holding the baby dolls, carefully swaddled his baby, and I heard him loudly singing "Happy Birthday baby brother" (twice!) while washing his hands in the bathroom today.

I also loved that the nurse talked about how we show love to our family members.  She suggested picking up toys, giving hugs, and being quiet so Mommy and the baby can rest- all great ideas.

 Adam said that he shows love by doing all of the extra chores around our house.  Oh, if that were only true!

I did find it interesting that a major topic of General Conference this weekend was that same concept- showing love to our families.  This has been on my mind a lot lately.  They say that, to children, love is spelled "T-I-M-E".  I think that applies to adults, too.  What greater gift can you give someone than to share your time with them?

I also found it interesting to observe that, once again, we were the only family there that was not expecting our second baby, and the only family there with a soon-to-be older sibling under the age of 4.  I don't suppose I care if we look odd to others- we are completely thrilled to be growing our family again and I love that with each addition to our family my mother heart (and even occasionally my ability to accomplish everything these little ones require of me) just keeps growing and growing.

And, just like last time, those hospital beds sure did look comfy!  When a pregnant woman is eyeing a hospital bed wistfully... it's time for the baby to make his appearance!  And yes, much to my chagrin, the hospital is a full 20 minute drive into downtown Des Moines, although Jason assures me that he could get there much faster if needed.  He also made sure to point out the jetted tub and whisper to me, "All the more reason to get here early".  I didn't bother to remind him that I have a glorious jetted tub all to myself sitting in my own bathroom.  I'm certainly planning on getting there early, as well!