Entropy in Real Time

I woke up this morning and spotted a one inch line of black at the top of our master closet,

directly below the shower in the boy's room and 

it was definitely not there yesterday. 

Upon closer inspection, we discovered that it is mold. 

Now our closet is torn apart and 

our bedroom is covered in plastic and 

I think the plumber said that the faucet in the shower has been leaking and 

that it should be an easy fix but I couldn't really hear him because there are three massive fans and humidifiers running in my bedroom and last night I had to sleep in the basement. 

I noticed last month that my pup wasn't putting weight on her back left leg. 

She has no problem running after squirrels or jumping onto the couch 

but the vet charged $350 to tell us that she's overweight and needs to rest her sprained ligament or it could turn into a tear which would require a knee replacement and I can tell you right now that if anyone in this family is getting a new knee, it is not the creature that I didn't realize even had knees in the first place. Upon closer inspection I think I found them but I still don't know which way they bend. 

At science camp I thought that we were out of vinegar which made the bottle rocket experiment a bust, 

but we really aren't out vinegar, it was just in storage in the basement, and when I went to make my favorite summer treat (indoor s'mores!) I discovered that we really are out of karo syrup and now I can't make my favorite summer treat until I go to the grocery store again but I really don't want to go to the store because I think I've been there 14 times in the last week because of all of the supplies that had to be acquired for said science camp and trek and the cast party that we hosted for the summer musical AND Grandma and Grandpa came out to see the musical and it turns out that visitors don't only want to just eat indoor s'mores like some of us would, given the chance. 

The screen door is ripped because of said cast party. 

I have poison ivy on my leg. 

The fire pit is crumbling and the cast party kids dragged giant sticks all over the yard while playing The Hunger Games. They also found a dead squirrel in the yard, which randomly takes the dead squirrel in the yard count for this week up to 2. That feels very suspicious to me but at least there are less squirrels for my gimpy pup to chase around. 

I spent the better part of last week tackling minor house projects, 

like touching up the trim and 

replacing the old sticky pantry baskets and the broken ironing board and 

beating the faux sheepskin rug that I didn't realize I couldn't just send to the cleaners 

and now all I can see around me is the work that still needs to be done, 

like the chipped garage stairs that need a fresh layer of paint 

and the other screen door that also has a tear in it, but 

this one seems to perfectly match the shape of Laney's nose. 

The ornamental topiary on the non-shady side of the garage has dried up into very expensive kindling. 

The garage door that was scraped by the kayaks last summer still hasn't magically repaired itself, 

and my favorite blue Adirondak chairs that I used to drag into the garage in winter aren't too happy that I've left them on the deck for the last few years. 

One of the three retaining walls around the house has settled to an unsettling low height, 

and a bird slammed into the storm door yesterday, leaving a sad little splotch of feathers behind. 

Half of the blinds in our bedroom have been broken for years. 

We finally unclogged the drains in the girls bathrooms that were choked with hair. 

The kids car is threatening to die on us, 

and the thick brush in the yard that looks so lush in the early summer is threatening to take over the whole yard if we don't beat it back. 

I'm four months behind on the blog. 

The deer keep trying to eat the new trees we've planted.

 

The laundry is never really done. 

The milk is about to expire. 

Entropy at it's finest. Even in Iowa. 

P.S. Within one hour of posting this, one of our two garage door's springs snapped, effectively trapping my car inside, and one of our two dishwashers stopped draining. I...... quit! 

Signs of the Times

Time to play games we haven't thought about in years, with treats we had plenty of time to bake, washed down with milk we picked up from the school. 

Drive-by teachers parades, so we could say good-bye for the year.

 Signs in windows everywhere.

Social distancing instructions for picking up books from the closed library.

 Unprecedented grad announcements. 

 A calendar that just keeps getting emptied.

The Best Day Ever

 In which Emma discovered a bunny in the neighbor's window well.  

 Daddy rescued it and everyone got a chance to hold it, 

 before Emma kindly shoved him back into the rabbit hole under the rock wall. 

The next weekend wasn't quite as magical, when Noah discovered an unmoving bunny in the same window well and came running, 

"Da bunny's in twubble!  Da bunny's in twubble!"  

But it was fun while it lasted. 

Scrookies

Definition- the amazing new way Mom came up with to read scriptures at night, after baths, in jammies, with cookies and milk.  

 We started reading the actual Book of Mormon (rather than the picture reader version) with the kids this year.  It's been fun to hear them read the stories and learn more about the many ways the Lord blesses us when we choose the right.

And the cookies help, too.

Scrookies (as coined by Adam) were a hit!

Happy New Year!

We welcomed the new year in with two parties!  Both of which I did a horrible job documenting.  We spent the first part of the night with friends at church, 

and the second part of the night with neighbor friends.  Jason and Noah spent the night at home because Jason was sick (which seems like a bit of a new year's tradition, poor guy).

We loved singing and dancing and playing Qwirkle, but my neighbor had the brilliant idea of celebrating New Year's Eve live with New York City, which means we were all toasted and tucked into bed by about 11:15.  

Perfect!

And then we were on saying goodbye to the holidays and welcoming in a new year.  

I love making resolutions at the new year, even if I know full well that I won't actually keep many of them past January.  Healthy eating, exercise, more service, learning, organization, spiritual growth and deliberate relationship development, I love to try it all.  Leah had some great insight on a new year's resolution, too.  She said she noticed that some of her classmates seemed to have more energy and endurance than her and she wanted to change that.  It went along perfectly with my resolution to get out of the house and get some fresh air every day (something that is surprisingly easy to avoid when it's negative temps outside and I'm always rushing from car to school to home), so on New Year's Day we made our way around the block in just 14 minutes!  And that has become of on my (many) resolutions.  Spend 14 minutes in motion outside every day.  Sounds easy enough, right?

2015 was actually a hard year to say goodbye to.  We started the year off with a bang in Utah/Puerto Rico and kept up the traveling fun nearly all year long with trips to Chile, Kansas City, New York City, Utah, Indiana, Chicago, and Omaha.  We set goals and watched them materialize as the year went by.  We worked on our home- installed a whole bunch of landscaping, a backsplash, crown molding, and garage shelving.  We saw our families, decided we were done growing our family, and made awesome memories as a family.  We visited sweet old friends and spent time with new friends and served as a family.

It was a full and wonderful year.

I've sensed for quite some time now that 2016 just might pale in comparison.  We don't have any big (or little) trips planned.  We're not planning any huge improvements to our home (as much as we would both love to blink and have a finished basement).  We're thrilled to at the prospect of having family come to visit, and possibly to take a trip home, but not much is set in stone yet.

Our big goal this year is to save money.  Boring, I know, but we need to create for ourselves more peace of mind and freedom of choice for our future.  The huge company Jason works for just merged with another huge company, and that means a bit of uncertainty for our immediate future.  Best case scenario, nothing changes.  Possible scenario, we have to relocate.  Worst case scenario, his position is eliminated.  Any way you look at it, planning for and expecting the unexpected is a far more worthy goal than any trip or home improvement project we could plan for this year.

Even if it is quite a bit more boring, too.  But we always manage to make lots of our own fun.

So... here's to 2016!  

Whatever it may bring, I'm sure it's going to be just what the Lord has in mind for us.

How Do We Do It?

We are in the middle of the third of four trips Jason is taking this winter.  Just like any day that he is here, I have ups and downs.  But when he's gone, those ups and downs seem higher and lower.  He's really only here and helping a few hours each day, but those few hours make all the difference in my sanity.  When he's gone things are different.  How do I make it work when Jason is gone?  Let me remind myself for the future.

15. I make sure that I have alone time- by myself, all alone, just me- before he leaves.  Sometimes I go to the store, sometimes the library, sometimes I just lock myself in my room.  But I take it, and I don't feel guilty about it one bit.  (Just like I don't think Jason feels too guilty about eating at restaurants that have a view like that one up there!)

14. I try to make it fun for those of us that are left behind.  I buy real chocolate milk and junky cereal, and the kids love it.  I plan crafts and we go to exotic places like Petsmart or the Burger King playplace.

13. I admit that it's hard.  I don't really love being the walking portrait of a crazy woman, but I've kind of given up on smiling and saying "everything is fine."  Instead I say, "It's hard.  It's really hard.  I hate it, actually.  Do you have any advice on how to get through?"  And then I either make a friend or I avoid someone that I can't relate to in this season of my life.  And I'm grateful for both.

12. Packages from Grandma!  My mom has an amazing way of knowing just what to send and when to keep my kids happy and entertained when we all need it most. 

11. I give myself more slack around the house.  If the dishes aren't done today, I know I can do them tomorrow... or not.  "If it is to be, it's up to me."

10. Lots of chocolate.  

9. Lots of playdates with friends.  Kid interaction for the kids, adult interaction for me.

8. I go to bed early so I can deal with whatever the night may bring me.  Usually I take care of Noah and Jason takes care of the rest, but when he's gone, it's all up to me. So I rest up.

7. I bend my own rules.  I have a pretty strict policy about not taking my kids out of the house around bedtime.  Tonight I took all four of them with me to the library and then to an activity with friends and ladies at church.  We all needed to get out. 

6. We eat dinner earlier. 

5. I use the TV as a babysitter when I need to take a break.

4. Bubble baths!

3. I text, talk and FaceTime with my mom, my sisters, my friends... I reach out a lot.  

2. Lots and lots and lots of prayer.  

1. I remind myself that some day I will get to go with him!  Then this time of year will be my favorite part of his job.  And in the meantime, I don't worry too much about not being thrilled for him and his exciting vacations business trips.  I admit that life is unfair in his favor- this time around- and then I pull myself up by my house slippers and get back to work... always grateful that his work allows me to do the work I believe in the most.

Is this home?

It's about time for a state-of-our-new-home address.  We've lived in Iowa for seven months now, and in our house for nearly three.  

Since Jason assures me I've felt this way before but I only mildly remember it, I'm stating for the record that I don't really love Iowa yet.  I ADORE the people that live here- I have met tons of people that are so kind and friendly and that I am just thrilled to know and hope to get to know better as the years go by. But the town we live in is a suburb in every sense of the word. There are tons of neighborhoods and schools and grocery stores and parks and... that's it. There isn't much by way of character or quirkiness or nature even. There is no Enchanted Forest, no candy came factory or pedestrian bridge or Wabash River with it's towering trees or beautiful symphony orchestra playing in a 100 year old theater.  There is no campus nearby full of hole-in-the-wall restaurants or beautiful academic buildings and fountains and statues. There is no nearby children's museum or gummy bear factory or dairy farm or free kid-sized zoo.  There is only one library, and it doesn't have a castle or puppets or mechanical fish (but it does have a fantastic selection of puzzles and trains and duplos). There are not enough trees here. And it's windy all the time. 

And more importantly, there are not enough memories here. I know that is the biggest difference between where we came from and where we are. It just doesn't feel like home yet. 

And we won't know how long this will be home.  When we moved to Indiana we knew that we had three or four years to make it our home before he graduated.  And boy, did that day come quickly, despite all of the long days and nights along the way.  And while Jason assures me that we will be here for at least five years, it's not a sure thing. I suppose nothing in life is a sure thing. There are a lot of changes happening at his office, and we just don't know for sure how long we'll be here.  The military brat in me is keeping a safe distance, just in case. But I don't really like that.  I want to dive right in and settle right down. And even where my intentions are good, my reality is that I just had a baby. Getting dressed isn't always a sure thing, getting out the door is even harder. Making witty getting-to-know-you conversation and planning fun outings with friends is pretty low on the list right now, trumped by my need to get some sleep! 

But we're getting there.  Home is what we make it. 

And, in the ultimate of first world problems, I have to note that all those years of 'making do' with the promise to ourselves that we'd replace things after graduate school is turning out to be quite a task. When you're looking at replacing everything that has been loved and stretched and worn out- from our beloved garage-sale-find vacuum cleaner to our car, our worn-out home decor to our ill-fitting clothes (including Jason's entire wardrobe- someday he'll have time to blog about losing all that weight!), well, the list is longer than the paycheck, that's for sure.  And we get to add in the fun-but-daunting task of taking care of our lovely new home, with everything from landscaping to finishing the basement on our list of want-to-do's around the house.  Given that we are a cash-only family, we're certainly pacing ourselves. Life post-graduate school is awesome, but it's still life- coming at us one day and one paycheck and one worn out couch to be replaced at a time. 

When you're only halfway up...

I'm halfway through my postpartum 'cocoon of healing', and definitely feeling neither up nor down. I'm tired- not so tired as I was two weeks ago but still so tired that I spend at least an hour each day actively trying to sleep and as much of the rest of the day as possible snuggled up on the couch or bed with any number of my babies around me.

I'm starting to really wish I was back to the old me, but not willing to push myself back to normal just yet. I miss cooking but I can't figure out when in my day of nursing and burping and cuddling and resting I could possibly fit in any kind of extensive food preparation, so we continue to eat gratefully from our freezer.  I miss getting together with other moms to talk and let our kids play, but not so much that I am willing or able to set up much in the way of get-togethers.  I miss my regularly scheduled life, but not so much that I'm bouncing back to library storytime or helping in the classrooms just yet.  I just recently started wearing pants that have zippers and buttons again.  I only put make-up on every few days.  I'm trying to take it slow while life is speeding along.

   

I know my kids miss their mama. There are no requests to send the baby back to the hospital but I can tell by their constant tears, midnight wakings and need to be close to me that they are each struggling to find their new place in our family.  I am sure they are all wondering what the benefit of this new baby brother is to our family- he cries so loudly, wakes up at all hours of the night, and takes up so much of my lap and arms and hands and time.

I wish I could help them understand what an adjustment this is for me, too.

Pretty much all day long I bounce from one dirty diaper to another dirty face, from one homework assignment to the next meal to be cleaned up. I try to take each moment as they come, but just after I've congratulated myself for successfully managing one toddler-sized crisis I turn around and completely fail at handling the next one.  I try to do as much as I can to ask as little of Jason as needed, but the days seem so short.  There is a lot to do.  We are all working to figure out the new normal.

I'm more selfish with my time now, knowing that my excuse of just having had a baby will be expiring soon.  If there is a chance that I can fit some extra sleep into my day, I squeeze it in.  Twice since Noah's arrival I have snuck off to take a bath at the most irregular of times- once while Jason was handling the kids at a trunk-or-treat with his mom- and the whole time I just giggled and sighed to myself about what a rare self indulgence it was.  I read a novel last week- a fluffy love story- because I'm nursing again and I have a lot of time to sit and read.  Sometimes I read the scriptures, sometimes I read to the kids, sometimes I read to myself.  It's lovely.

And time keeps marching on.  I listen to Noah's cries and marvel at his tiny fingers and whimper to myself when he starts whimpering (again) in the night. And I know it's all so fleeting.  And I love it, because I know it's a stage and- love it or leave it- it's going to be over in the blink of a very tired eye.  And I try to soak up as much of the good of it all as I can.  

Transition

I wrote this post back in May, when I was very much feeling the weight of our decision to move into a two bedroom apartment in Iowa while waiting for our house to be built.  It was a very hard time, and the fact that we brought it on ourselves didn't make it any easier.  I can only try to describe how happy we are to be in our house now.  A house tour of sorts will be coming soon.  For now, I just love this picture of "A Man and His Lawn".  Jason has been faithfully tending to our sod since the day we moved in.  He's the tiny little speck on the right.

Over the course of our last few months in Indiana, I wrote a lot about how excited I was about getting to the next phase of life.  When we were done with school, done with renting, done with shoestring budgets.  When we would start really settling into life and getting to experience all of the joys that come with post-graduate school life- the mortgage, the student loan repayments, the fussing over landscaping and retirement funds, but also the extra time for family togetherness, the sudden overflow of money, the unending happiness that comes with sleep-filled nights and adventure-filled days.

Well.  If you'll indulge me for a moment, I'd like to state for the record that we are still waiting for those days to come.  It's planting season, so as I'm pounding this out at 9:30 at night, Jason is still not home.  Work schedules have nothing to do with the thesis, they have everything to do with being married to a dedicated man who loves his work.  Not as much as he loves his family, of course, but enough that when there is work to be done, he's doing it.

 (The kids loved climbing on this pile of rocks in our front yard before it was sodded- 

they called it Crystal Mountain.)

The house.  Oh, the house.  How did I not envision the pain and agony that would come with living through the snail-like pace at which our house is being completed?  I like this apartment because it's small and fairly easy to maintain, but I loathe it because it's small and impossible to keep the kids quiet when quiet is needed.  The only time that is a real problem is when Emma takes her afternoon nap and Adam is forced to keep it down for 2 or more hours.  That equates to far more computer time than I'd prefer, and by no fault of his.  I hate the trek to the car- out the door (which requires two hands to lock or unlock, so no groceries or sleeping babies allowed), down the hall, down the stairs, through the garage, across the parking lot and into the car.  At least twice a day when we drop off and pick up Leah.  Once more if we're running errands or headed somewhere extra.

(We all hated not getting to be in the house while the workers were still here.  It was such a happy day when we closed and got to lock the doors from the inside!) 

We are so, so excited to be traveling west next week- Jason's youngest sister is graduating from high school, which means time with the Morales ladies in Colorado and then we are headed to Utah for a serious summer vacation.  A six week vacation.  Without Jason (boo), but also without the confines of this blasted apartment (YAY).  We are going to swim, hike, camp, eat, visit, relax, play, and jump on the floor as often as we want!  But leaving for six weeks also means that any meager advances I have made in finding my place and making friends in Iowa will be put on hold.  There are lots of ladies and families here that I'm looking forward to getting to know, but I just can't do it yet.  I won't be here!  And I can't really host much in my apartment because it holds no more than 10 people at a time before someone gets hurt or the neighbors complain.  So I still haven't found my place in Iowa.  I feel like, in so many ways, it's waiting for me to really get here.  It's in our finished house.  It's in the fall, when we are back and done transitioning and finally settling in.

We all know about the grass that is greener on the other side.  I never really felt like we were wishing away our days in graduate school.  Willing them along at a quickened pace, sure, but still enjoying life along the way.  And life was grand.  And now, for the first time, I truly feel like I am wishing my days away- ready to get out this blasted transition phase and ready to get on with life!  I realize this would happen a lot quicker if I would adjust my attitude rather than count down the days, but on days like today, when the kids are stir-crazy in the apartment but there is no backyard to send them into and I have to make dinner and Jason texts me to say that he won't be home until there is no light left in the day and I feel like we're stuck somewhere between here and there... yes, I am wishing today away.

Just When I Bought The 24 Pack....

In the early days of our marriage, we knew a couple that seemed to have a new plan for the path to success every week.  He wanted to be a doctor of sorts and, despite poor grades and test scores, was determined to make it happen.  Their plan constantly changed- from week to week they had a new plan on how they were going to get into medical school and get that degree.  One way or another, they were going to make it happen.

I didn't have any vested interest in the decisions they were making, but I always loved updates and found them quite amusing.  Not that we had a great plan of our own, but they just didn't seem to quite have it "figured out".  Well.... here I am years later, eating my very bitter humble pie.

It has been nine months now since Jason accepted employment with Dow, wrote and defended his thesis, and started work (yesterday!  Woo hoo!).  And for every day of those nine months, we have had a different plan on how and when to get our family to Iowa.  The dates have changed, the housing arrangements have changed, the various combinations of people living where and for how long have changed.  I'm sure for many people, it has been quite amusing to watch our little family flounder and fumble our way through these last nine months.

Up until last week, the latest plan was that the kids and I were going to stay here until the end of the school year and Jason would go there himself in April.  We'd meet up in May, take a quick trip out west, then move into our new house in June.  Only, I'm getting a sneaky suspicion that our house is not going to be ready as soon as I want it to be ready (everything should have been done yesterday, people!).  Which leaves us with no option in June than to stay in my parents basement until the house is done.  Which would be fun in it's own right, but would bring us up to 3 months without a daddy and husband around to complete our family.  So we've kept looking in Iowa.

Thankfully last week we found a reasonable short term lease option that will keep our family together- and housed- until the end of July.  And if our house isn't done by then, we'll just pitch a tent on the dirt and sleep there until it is.  (Oh, how I hope I'm joking as I type that.)

So, the great news is that we've finalized our plan.  The slightly more scary part of the news is that we're moving in 18 days.  Not even a full three weeks and we'll be packed up and moved on.  On to a new school, a new town, a new church.  A new job, a new neighborhood and an eagle eye on the construction of our house.  I'm not sure I've got my head wrapped around it just yet.  But I am thrilled that we are doing it together.  I'm also overwhelmed, excited, anxious, nervous... I've moved a few times before (this will be lucky number 13 for me.  I've certainly gotten used to saying, "Hi!  I'm Melanie and I'm new here...")

Now, if I only had a buck for every time I've said, "Well, the latest plan is..." our down payment on our house could be a heck of a lot bigger than it is right now!  But I'm completely thrilled that I'm done trying to figure out just how many rolls of toilet paper we will need, or what size bottle of olive oil to buy, or how many diapers I should order so I don't have to pack along any extras in the move.  I'm excited to face forward, to prepare for the days of settling into a new home (far off as they may seem right now).  And some day, presumably not too far from now, we'll be able to look back on this all and see the reason for our plans ending up as they did.  I hope.

And because they are far more exciting than pictures of piles of junk I've yet to sell/donate/pack, I've sprinkled this post with pictures of our recent snow day.

House Hunting

Jason and I had a successful house-hunting trip to Iowa last weekend.  We had a list of houses we wanted to look at and builders we wanted to meet with.  We had an audio book to listen to in the car (what would we do with all of that uninterrupted adult conversation?).  We spent 5 days driving though neighborhoods, empty lots, looking at for sale by owners, new houses, old houses, expensive houses, cheap houses... on Sunday night we finally targeted the neighborhood we want to be in and on Monday morning we put an offer on a house in the neighborhood and took a second look at a builder in the neighborhood- we wrote up a list of customizations we would want from them.  And then we drove home.  By Friday we decided to build.

The trip itself was fantastic- no dishes, cooking, laundry or waking up in the middle of the night.  The time alone with Jason was great.  The time away from the kids was fun but hard at the same time.  I am always grateful for pauses from my roles as mother and homemaker to help me remember how much I really do love my "job".

Other highlights from the trip-

Our realtor was a total grump, but her husband was an awesome retired architect who was a complete wealth of knowledge about the history of the area, the local billionaires and their collections of 150+ cars stored in underground garages, the ins and outs of the mechanics of a house, and the potential in resales.  He was awesome.

Discovering new and delicious local restaurants to get us excited about coming back for more.  We sampled a BBQ place and a sandwiches-soups-salads place that I'm already dreaming about... nothing like tasty food to make a place feel like home. 

While we were walking through a model home with a builder, he noted that there were hook-ups above the fireplace for a TV, as well as a two or three inch set back- just right for a flat screen.  Offhandedly, I said, "Well, you'll have to make that about 2 feet deeper for us because we still have a tube TV."  There were crickets in the room after that.... then he blinked and asked if I was joking.  I just laughed and said nope!

The frantic phone call we made to our favorite Indiana real estate guru who listened to our plight about falling in love with a FSBO house.  The owners didn't want to pay realtor fees... we came with a realtor... that was a house we decided to pass on.  

We were walking through a house full of cats and one darted out from behind a door and scared the daylights out of me.  I screamed like a little girl.  That, combined with the absence of any kind of backyard, took that home off the list.

We met with three builders, and each one had a different approach to selling us their homes.  The most nauseating one was a pitch filled with ego-stroking comments like, "This is the kind of neighborhood that educated people like yourselves would fit right into" and "Clearly someone as knowledgeable as you would understand why you couldn't possibly choose anyone else."  The most offensive comment she made was "What would someone like you have in common with a neighbor who is a mechanic?" and then the tour of the neighborhood included everyone's labels- "That is where the CPAs live... he's a doctor... she's a lawyer but she chooses to stay home with her twins..."  Barf.  I have decided that I will forevermore introduce myself as "Melanie- I have a Bachelor's degree in Sociology and I choose to stay home with my children."  Makes my decision to be a stay-at-home mom seem much more validated, right?  We did love those houses, but we passed.  

We also passed on the builder that quoted us a slightly ridiculous price on a lovely half-acre lot backing to a horse pasture.  The house was great, but the neighborhood was so isolated.  No playgrounds, bicycles, or playmates to be found anywhere.  It felt lonely.

In the end, we decided to go with the builder that Jason described as "the good ol' Iowa boys".  They said adorable things like, "You'll have to show me how you use that nifty Google technology of yours" (referring to Google Hang Out, as if Jason invented it...) The neighborhood is perfect for our young family- we'll be within walking distance to the elementary school, parks, the library, the sports complex, and have access to biking trails that take us to places like this- 

(a 25 mile system of local biking trails)

and this- 

(Saylorville Lake, where we can go boating, fishing, jet skiing and camping)

Our house will be just a bit bigger than our current house with a basement and a nice sized yard, and a lot of fun extras that will make the house delightful- a jetted tub in the master, hardwood floors on the main, lots of windows and built-ins, a bonus room off the kitchen where in envision us doing lots of reading, crafting, and homework in the years to come...  I also love the fact that we are so close to I-80.  Anyone who is ever driving across the country now has a place in Des Moines to stop for the night!  I'd like to think that will give us chances to see friends we might not otherwise in coming years.  Jason is heading back there this weekend to sign off on the plans and specs, then it should be just a few months before we can move into our home!  More pictures to come, I'm sure.  For now, all I've got is this- 

and the peace of mind that we're finding a place in Iowa to call home.

Taking the Leap

We are T minus 9 weeks to Jason's thesis defense.

The end is in sight.

The reality of The Leap is upon us.

The transition from graduate student life to real life has been weighing on my mind quite heavily lately.

Once they know the end is near, people always ask, "Are you excited?"  Not only because, hello, it's IOWA and they really want to know how we might possibly be excited about it, but also, I'm assuming, because they want to know if we are excited to be finally getting out of school and on with with rest of our lives.  To be tax-paying, contributing members of society.  To get to buy a house, to start paying off old student loans that have been deferred all these years, to finally start buying and doing the things we've been "denied" all these years in the name of getting the degree.

And the truthful answer is, I'm terrified.

School life is familiar.  Career life is a great big question mark.  I've heard from more than one of my recently graduated friends that life isn't really all that different than it was before.  Still trying to pay for all the needs and some of the wants. only in a higher tax bracket.

I recently read the Christian ministry book Enough, which is all about (not surprisingly) having enough.  Not 'more than enough' or 'not enough', just enough.  And that is how we have been living the last eight years.  Many times I've said, "We have everything we need and most of what we want.  We have enough."  Some might argue that we have more than enough (plenty of house, a working car, and a very nice job on the horizon), others criticize that we are severely lacking (cupboards in the perpetual Mother Hubbard state, clothes that have more holes in them or wrists and ankles showing than I'd like).  But either way, this book got me thinking about how things might change when we have 'more than enough'.

What will life be like when we can choose which restaurant to go to for this week's date night, instead of looking forward to the one monthly splurge?  When we can travel and plan vacations?  When we can start donating money to our alma mater and contributing to mission funds (our immediate family's and others)?  When we have the funds to be far more generous with giving than we have been in the past?  Will we do it?  Will we use our blessings to bless the lives of others?

Or will we get caught up in keeping up with the Joneses?  Will we worry about the latest fashions, electronics, cars or vacations (things we can't really think about right now, whether we'd like to or not)?  Will we spend more time picking out paint colors and furniture than we do playing hide-and-seek or taking family walks?  Will we get fatter because we can finally afford to keep Oreos, fruit snacks and chips on hand?  Or will  we be thinner because we can finally afford a treadmill, a gym membership, new bikes?

We like who we are as students.  Will we like who we are as real-lifers?  These are the things I worry about.  They sure are first-world problems, aren't they?  I recently told a friend, it's kind of like complaining that your pants don't fit because you've lost so much weight- not a problem anyone wants to hear about unless it's their own.  I just want somehow know that the people that we are innately will not change just because the circumstances we live in are changing.  Is there any way to guarantee that?

And I want to remember my fears and thoughts at this time.  I started our blog when I was finishing up a chapter of my life- making the transition from breadwinner to homemaker at the birth of our first daughter.  I had so many fears, worries, excitements, concerns.  Some of them very founded, some of them completely unfounded.  2012 Melanie would like to reach back and give 2006 Melanie a hard shake and a big hug- of course everything would work out okay!  I would tell myself.  You've got chutzpah!  And a hard-working husband, and an iron will, a testimony of Jesus Christ and an understanding of the things that matter most.  It will all work out okay.

Oh!  The late nights are getting to me!

So, are we excited?  Of course!  This is what we've been working toward for years.  I emailed this quote from Gordon B. Hinckely to Jason tonight-

"Get all the education you can.  Society will reward you according to your worth as it perceives that worth.  Now is the great day of preparation for each of you.  If it means sacrifice, then sacrifice.  That sacrifice will become the best investment you have ever made, for your will reap returns from it all the days of your lives."

I'd like to think that the years of sacrifice we have made will absolutely be worth it.  I'm just getting curiouser and curiouser about what exactly the future will hold.... And a little anxious to realize that it's almost not the future anymore- it will be the present in no time!

Ratios

...of kids smiling their real smile to kids present - 0:3
...of pictures taken to pictures purchased - 4:1
...of laughing mommies behind the camera to sobbing babies in front of the camera - 1:1

Better luck next time, I suppose.

One of those days

I feel, in some ways, like my sweet little blog is failing me.  When I find time to update it, it is a fantastic way to reminisce about the good ol' days.  But what about the crappy ol' days?   The days when I'm ready to wean and my baby isn't?  How did I handle that last time around?  The days when I am confused about choices we have to make and feel guilty about whether or not I'm doing the right thing?  The days when I'm tired before I even get out of bed and I realize that no matter how many successes or failures I had yesterday in wife-ing/mothering/nurturing/housekeeping/truth-teaching/friend-being, I have/get to do it all over again today, and hopefully even a bit better than yesterday?  If I look back on my blog can I learn from the moments of success amongst all of the smiling photos and happy memories?  Thankfully I keep a journal, too.  I guess I could pair them up side-by-side and see if I'm growing into myself at all as the days and months and years roll by.

So, this morning at 8:35 I found myself hanging off a ladder outside my bedroom window, trying to break in to my own house because the garage door- yes, the one that has never been locked even once in the entire 3 years we have lived here- was locked.  I was very grateful to the neighbor that lent me her ladder, and for the good weather that kept our bedroom windows open.  But it should have been an indicator to me that a crappy ol' day was looming.

The kind of day when you return your library books to the wrong library.

And you are on hold for 28 minutes with the insurance company that is denying your claim that having your baby in a car really constitutes a true emergency that should be followed up with a ride to the hospital in an ambulance.

And the pharmacy calls about a prescription you didn't know your pediatrician wants your child to start taking.

And the key ingredient needed for dinner is nowhere to be found in your house.

And the boy with the bladder of steel wets his pants big time.

And your baby won't sleep because, well, pick a reason.  Teeth, noise, timing.

And you have to scold one child for being disobedient and the other two for pummeling each other again (which is only mildly adorable because they are just 3 and 1).

But then you take a deep breath, and remember the good parts-

The 28 minute hold on the phone provided you a chance to chop up all the veggies needed for a delicious dinner, and the missing ingredient allowed you the chance to walk over to a friend's house and have a few minutes of adult conversation.

It's raining.  And that is always a good thing.

Emma has started signing "more".  Adorable.

Jason came home early, and Family Home Evening was a success.

There is chocolate in the house.  Doesn't even mean I have to eat it.  It's just good to know it's there.

The kids dropped into bed like flies, exhausted from a fun day at the park.

Life is good.  Even when it's hard, I'm so grateful that it's not that hard.

Distracted

We've been making some serious plans for our future in the last few weeks.  Jason interviewed with two great companies, received two very attractive job offers, and accepted a position as a breeder with Dow AgroSciences in Ames, Iowa.

Which means.... Iowa, here we come!

I've always confused Iowa and Ohio, but I'm guessing that won't be a problem anymore.  Iowa is 8 hours west of our current home, which means 8 hours closer to our families!  If all goes according to plan, we'll be living in Ankeny, which is basically a suburb of Des Moines.

We took a preliminary trip out there this weekend to decide which of the two nearby cities we'd most like to live in (technically Jason will be working in Nevada, Iowa, which is 8 miles by dirt road into the middle of nowhere).  Ames is the home of Iowa State, and while we like the college town feel, we've done it for a few years now.  Ankeny is newer, closer to the "big" city, and has plenty of houses that we would love to call home.  We had a fun weekend swimming in the hotel pool, meeting the family Jason's new boss, attending church, and looking at potential neighborhoods and schools and parks... as well as lots and lots and LOTS of corn.  We were told that breeding corn in Iowa is like playing baseball in Yankee Stadium.  It's the big leagues.

So, as tempting as it is to turn our minds and efforts west, we won't be moving there anytime soon.  Once the field season is over for the year and Jason's research is in the lab instead of the fields (around October) he will be doing lab work and writing his thesis like a madman to get out of here as soon as possible.  Given the holidays, trips to winter nurseries that everyone else will be taking and the thesis defense that he has to get through first, we are expecting/hoping that we will be able to move in February or March.  In the meantime we will continue to squeeze all of the fun we possibly can out of Indiana- you couldn't have convinced me of it 3 years ago, but this really has become home.

As for securing a job 8 months before graduation?  Well, Jason is just a hot commodity.  Of course, I figured that out 9 years ago.  I couldn't be more proud of him and all the hard work he has done to get to this point.


It nearly pains me to confess that the other job offer would have kept us here in Indiana.  It was very attractive, but the route we chose is the right one for us.  The Lord has never steered us astray, and we know that this is where He would have us go.  We're excited to find out all of the reasons why.

Another chapter  ready to be written!