Ma!

I never thought I'd be a "Ma".  But that's what Adam has dubbed me, and of course I answer.  

This little guy is my big helper.  He is rarely content to sit with Leah or play with toys when he knows that I'm nearby.  Especially when there's food involved.  He is always right underfoot when I'm in the kitchen.  He steps on my feet, buries his face between my legs, and won't move until I've hoisted him up onto the counter.  Then he's quite good about quality control- sampling the ingredients and making sure everything tastes good. 

We spent a leisurely afternoon together this week while Leah was at a friend's house making pumpkin chocolate chip bread, broccoli soup and bread bowls.  It was very quiet with just the two of us, and very fun.   

I probably have said this about every age (after 8 or so months), but this one is my favorite.  The curiosity, the vocalizing, the intense love that he shows.  I just love my little Mr. Man.

Pumpkin, Pumpkin I've Been Thinking

It's not all bad.  Yes, I put myself in time-out today ("Sorry! Mommy can't come out until she has a smile on her face!") and yes, the kids broke down into melty puddles of tears when they found out I was getting a much needed night off.  Notice Adam's little arms wrapped desperately around my legs- it's nice to be appreciated!

 But we also spent the afternoon camped out in the toy room, snacking on ghosty-marshmallows and reading books, 

and we got a surprise package in the mail today!  Thanks, Grandma- don't mind Leah's disinterested face, she was munching on something.

 No, it's not all bad.  In fact, it's mostly quite good.  

*****

We carved our Halloween pumpkins tonight.

Leah and Adam both refused to do their fair share of goop-scooping- too icky!- but loved the make-shift hats and pumpkin seed decorations.

 And everyone loved the final product- a happy, glowing little family. 

Exactly what we are striving to be.

A Secret

Leah pulled my ear down close to her mouth yesterday.  "Mom!" she said, "I have a secret."  And then she whispered-  

I am a child of God

and He has sent me here

Has given me an earthly home

with parents kind and dear.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

to live with Him some day.

It was a very timely reminder.  With all of the foot-stamping, arm-crossing, and screeching that has been going on around here lately, I wonder if I am teaching my children much of anything at all.  I wonder if I just don't know what my kids want.  Don't they want to play with friends, eat home-cooked meals, and read stories before bedtime?  Do they not want clean clothes to wear, a clean house to live in, and parents that have smiles on their faces, give them hugs and say I love you 300 times a day?  Toys to play with?  Fun family outings?  No?!

And if that's not what they want, then what the heck do they want?!

We are trying to give our children what every parent tries to give their child- love, comfort, security.  But days like today, as the kids both cried the entire way home from the pumpkin patch and the dinner I put time and energy into sat cold and untouched on the table, it seems like we just can't get it right.  And, in the words of Leah, "You hurt my feelings, Mom."

Brush Strokes

We have a rush hour in our home- it starts at dinnertime and ends with bedtime.  The two or so hours in between always seem to be crazy- I'm crazy making dinner, Jason is crazy shifting from work to home and the kids are just crazy all around- hungry, getting tired, and so excited to see Jason.

Dinnertime crazies

It makes it difficult to ask much of anyone.  The kids don't want to sit through dinner, much less the three verse scripture study that we have immediately following.  Tonight, after listening to what seemed like an entire book of scripture whispered by Jason and repeated by Leah, I asked if we could be done.  Then Jason told me that it had only been two verses.  Ouch!

And as I struggled to keep the attention of the kids through my one-and-a-half minute lesson for Family Home Evening, the words of this talk popped into my head.

Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable... but our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). 

And then I prayed that this promise is actually true because some days I feel pretty weary.  But we'll continue on, even if our scripture study is mostly looking at pictures in the Gospel Art book and our Family Home Evening lesson revolves around making chocolate bar parachutes. 

Which was pretty cool, I must say.

Highlight

The only thing better than finding a package on your doorstep... 

is enjoying what's inside!

Thanks, Mom!

Fall Facts

We took a Joy School field trip to a farm today. There were horses, cows, chickens, and pigs, a beautiful barn and lovely walking trails.

Leah likes a boy.  He is her favorite boy in her class, and she always mentions him and the things he does when reporting on the events of Joy School.  I firmly disagree with teasing a 3-year-old about having a boyfriend, a crush, or getting married, but it is adorable to see her take such an interest in a boy.  Today his mom told me that at least once a day, he declares, "Leah thinks I'm silly."  When you're a 3-year-old boy, I think that is a pretty big compliment.  I'm glad to know that feelings of admiration are reciprocal.

There is a new girl in the class.  I can see her trying to be friends with Leah, but Leah is being shy with her for reasons I can't figure out.  After class today, I asked her if she thought she could be nicer to this girl.  Her response was less than enthusiastic, so I asked her, "Who do you like to play with?  Who is your best friend?"

Her response- Adam.

I couldn't have asked for a better answer.  They've been best friends for a long time.

Tell Me A Story About When You Were A Little Kid

This is a request I hear no less than 5 times a day.  Jason hears it, too.  After bedtime books and scriptures, Leah always pleads to hear the stories of our youth.  It's a constant topic of our dinner table, and to her, far more fascinating than anything a book could offer.

Jason and I have covered everything from the the sports we played as kids to our best toys to the reason why we don't color on other people's suits (Jason) or kick the door when fighting with our sister (me).  We've told her about trips to exotic places, visits from grandparents who make forts in the backyard, the many pets we've had, and countless stories about school and teachers.  There have been stories about friends made and lost, siblings fought with and forgiven, and parents who were human, just like her parents are.  We've told her about our baptisms, Jason's mission, when we were married in the temple and before she was born. 

I've even started telling stories about when she was a little kid- the time that she ate too many Halloween cookies and threw up all night long was real a hit this week.  

And she never tires of it.  She sits quietly, retains everything, and asks for more. 

Tonight she decided that we should act out the story "Stop That Pickle!" (something I loved to do with my brother and sister growing up, except we did stories like "The Giving Tree"). 

She selected her costume- it had to be all green and cast the roles of the pickle,

 the thick braided pretzel, 

 the 17 almonds, 

and the vanilla ice cream cone with sprinkles (behind the camera).

Then we chased each other around the house, pretending that we were trying to stop that pickle!

The point?  I just hope that our children always finds us so fascinating as Leah does today, and perhaps that along the way she'll remember that we, too, are just regular old humans who make mistakes and then try again.

Halloween Cookies

It is a tradition in my family to make Halloween cookies.  This year was no exception, and we started the job yesterday.  And finished today.  It took that long. 

So for all the times growing up that I thought the cookies, frosting, and candy corn just appeared on the table so I could carelessly decorate a few ghosts and pumpkins, then complained when the job got too hard, THANK YOU MOM for making Halloween cookies!  It is one incredible task.

With one great helper and one great candy-snatcher, we made quite a pile.  Leah liked to cover her cookies with as many candies as she could fit on each one.  I like cute pumpkin faces.  Adam liked to pick off the candy and leave the cookie behind (hello?! It's a sugar cookie with sugar frosting- I promise you'll like it)  Jason didn't frost a darn one, so he doesn't get to eat any of them.... not really.

Now we just have to give them away before they all get eaten up!

Admired, Too

Thanks to those that offered such sweet comments and encouragement in response to this post.  I wasn't really going for compliments, but I'll take them! 

I have continued to think about that list and the person that I'd like to become, and there's more to add to the list- there will always be more to add to the list.

 At the end of a long day of watching kids and driving all over the Chicago suburbs, Jason said, 

"Ooh!  Let me take a picture of you in front of the sunset.  Because he loves me.)

The effortless includer- this is the person that doesn't give a second thought to inviting others to join them- on a run, a trip to the store, or to a party.  It is hard for me to just offer up myself to others- I don't think I'm all that interesting!  So I have to think and analyze and practice and talk about my feelings until all of the life and fun is sucked out of it.  And then what if they say no!?  I have a horrible fear of "I just don't think I could handle that kind of rejection" a la George McFly.  But I completely admire those who just include others.  It's not a big deal.  Repeat after me: it's NOT a big deal.

The generous giver- Similar to the gift-giver, this person is willing to share their stuff with others.  In our home right now, we have lamps, baby clothes, a swing set, a grill, a treadmill, and a bed- with a trundle, for crying out loud- that we are borrowing from people that "just don't need it right now".  Amazing!  I heard once that you should never let someone borrow something that you ever hope to see again, and I hate to think that I have taken that too closely to heart.  But for some, it's just stuff.  Share and share alike. 

And I'm trying with this one, really I am.  When I was first pregnant with Leah, a kind friend offered me all of her maternity clothes, just because she wasn't using them at the time.  I promised myself that I would always return the favor, and I have.  My maternity clothes are loaned out right now, in fact!

The quick-to-forgive- This is a Christ-like attribute that 75% of the people in my home possess.  I should get a clue, I know, but I am a horrible grudge holder!  Depending on the degree of the offense, I subconsciously calculate the degree of my anger and the length of time before I forgive.  This is subconscious, I promise!  I am truly blessed in that I am surrounded by people that I love, friends and family that don't cross me (nor I them, I hope!) very often.  But what amazes me is how quickly others can forgive and forget.  Just the other day, I snapped at Leah and she left the room crying.  45 seconds later I found her on the couch.  I apologized to her and gave her a hug and a kiss.  And then she SMILED!  She accepted my apology and just dropped it.  Incredible.  She gets that from her dad.

I like making this list- I admire so much in other people, but these are attributes that I want to develop, and putting them out there for the world to see gives me a sense of accountability.  I don't know that I'll ever report on my successes ("Look at me!  I'm the humblest person I know!") but hopefully those that are close to me will start to see a difference. 

(For the rest of you that are reading my blog, we can be friends, too.  But until you make yourself known, I'll never know who you are!)

Tending the Garden

Leah found great pleasure in filling up a bucket with dirt from the garden.  Once that bucket found it's way into the house, I did not find much pleasure in cleaning it up.

 The last tasty snacks from our garden.

Leah finds a new way to spell her name. 

Clever girl.

Enjoying an autumn rainfall.

I know he's a handsome little fellow, but check out those gorgeous trees, too!

Teach Me Joy

I had my second chance to teach Joy School this week, and I'm here to report.  I like Joy School- I like that Leah is getting the preschool experience without the classroom setting (or price tag!), I like that she is learning new things and getting 5 hours of friend time every week with minimal effort.  I like seeing her excitement when she shares with me the things she has learned and created.

I like the weeks that I get to send Leah off to another home, and I like the weeks that I get to teach, too.  There are 3 girls and 4 boys in the class, and keeping them engaged and relatively calm for the duration of the class can get tricky.  But for the most part, they are all happy to be there, happy to be together, and happy to be learning.

I never had the desire to teach elementary school, and while I still don't, I certainly do appreciate those that do.  And I can see the pure joy that comes from teaching children something new- something that they actually did not know before.  Of course, in this case, it's things like where raisins come from, what is on the insides of our bodies, and whether or not clouds are actually made out of cotton balls... I can imagine teaching a child to read and write, and I can understand why the joy of teaching is just as real as the joy of learning.

Try This At Home

Jason and I have a long history of blowing things up in the microwave together.  One of the first times he came to my apartment (he was my roommate's home teacher) we blew up Peeps.  They get huge!  Then there was the time that I accidentally blew up an egg just minutes before I was supposed to leave for work- and my sweet husband cleaned up the mess for me.  Jason also taught me how to make hot chocolate in the microwave, but thankfully that hasn't involved any blowing up... yet. 

A quick side story- our first microwave was a hand-me-down from a hand-me-down from a hand-me-down.  It was about 3 cubic feet large and covered in brown wood paneling, but it worked great, at first.  Eventually, the light bulb burned out, the beeping sounds stopped, and about half the time the microwave just stopped working in the middle of cooking something.  No big deal, unless we were cooking kettle corn... we had a thing for kettle corn for a while... When my sweet mom heard about our barely-functioning microwave, she declared it simply wouldn't do, and promptly replaced ours with a new one.  Thanks, Mom!  Smaller, bright white, a turning plate, and it even had pre-set cooking options.  Popcorn!  Baked potatoes!  Veggies!  It was quite the step up.  So we posted the old hunk-o-junk on  craigslist- with full disclosure of it's quirks- and you know what?  Someone took it!  I have full faith that, somewhere, that microwave is still going strong.

Okay, back to last night.  When Jason brought home fresh picked popping corn from the farm last night, we knew right where it should go.

  It seems our kids share our love for sticking things in the microwave and hoping for the best.

 Have you ever tried popping an ear of corn in the microwave?  It was so cool- and tasty, too!  In some strange way, it made me feel like a Native American or a pioneer... back to our country's roots of gathering around the campfire, I guess.  Take that, Orville Redenbacher!

Family entertainment- score another point for the many amazing uses of corn.

And another successful microwave adventure!  

What else can you blow up in the microwave?  I'd love to find out.

Fall

We headed up to Chicago last weekend to visit the temple.  Although the news about the Indianapolis Temple is thrilling, there is a good chance that we will not be here when it is complete.  Chicago remains our temple, and we are happy to make the 3 hour drive to attend it.  We spent all last week preparing for our trip- it was a joy having our minds and hearts literally turned toward the temple. 

We traded baby-sitting with some friends, so for the first time in almost a year, Jason and I attended the temple together.  It was wonderful.  And when it was our turn to take the kids, we explored a nearby nature preserve that is in the height of fall.  While chasing after 5 kids under the age of 6 got us a few questioning glances, we had a great time, and managed to get through without any major problems.

 Fall is an entire season here, a difference from Utah that I am really enjoying.  The leaves are slowly turning beautiful reds, yellows, and oranges, and the warm autumn days are ideal for playing and exploring outside.  We are really enjoying this time of year. 

And that's my poem about fall.

The Beach

So what if we didn't get home until 11:00 last night?  We've been feeling the crunch of sand between our toes ever since.  We might not live by the ocean, but Lake Michigan is a pretty fantastic substitute.

You Just Can't Make Stuff Like This Up

Leah has finally started noticing differences between skin colors.  Not caring about the differences, just noticing them.

"Mom, look at that black lady.  Her skin is so pretty- I wish I had black skin like her."

*****

"People say our skin is white, but it's not really.  It's tan.  See that car?  That's white."

*****

"Mom, some people like to say hello to their mothers in Spanish.  There are three rules for this.  Number one, you have to have brown skin.  Number two, you have to have a mother.  And number three, you have to say, 'Hola!'."

In case you ever wanted to say hello to your mother in Spanish.... now you know if you're allowed to or not.  Thank goodness we have a bit of "brown" in our family, otherwise we would sound really racist right about now.  Aren't the aunties just beautiful?

Admired

There are so many things I admire in other people.  Things I look at and say, "Oh, I could never do that.  That is amazing.  I want to be like that some day."  I want to become---


The conversationalist- this title applies to most of the men in my family.  Someone who can talk to anyone, anywhere, about anything.  It's a talent for some, not for me.  I'm just hoping to refine my conversation skills a little bit.

The spiritually-minded- people who can casually mention their beliefs and testimony in every day conversation.  It's not a big deal, it's just part of who they are. 


The educated- people who earn higher degrees later in life are incredible.  My mother-in-law earned her bachelor's degree the same year as Jason did; my grandma earned hers after raising 9 children.  She went on to teach kindergarten for years.  I have a bachelors degree, and I'm very proud of it, but I would love to go back to school again. 

The hostess with the mostest- my mom throws the best parties on the block, can host guests at a moments notice, and has the best collection of appetizers and desserts you can find.  Along with that, she makes the holidays pure magic.  Walking into her home during Christmas is like walking into the North Pole itself, complete with all of the sparkles and hot cocoa and hidden elves that are creating the magic behind the scenes.  I just love it.


The gift giver- people who remember birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas before the day of.  I have become especially aware of my lacking in this area since we have moved away from family.  A thoughtful gift given now requires more than a days notice to collect and deliver, and I have sent out belated cards and gifts more than once.  My sister-in-law has sent us some of the cutest little gifts- chocolate shaped magnets for Valentine's Day and handmade hair clips for Leah- because she is an amazing gift giver. (In the two days it has taken me to finally post this, another thoughtful package just landed on our doorstep!)

The artist- paint? canvas? art?  So not me, but I completely admire people that create art.  Luckily, there are a few in my family that I can reap the talent of.

The traveler- people who can see the rich benefits to seeing the world over the rich price tag.  This might be another "time for every season" part of my life, but in the last few years, I have passed up trips to Cabo San Lucas, Puerto Vallarta, Holland, and Italy.  It all sounds great, but it just doesn't appeal to me right now.  Maybe it's the international traveling part, maybe it's the leaving my babies behind, but I do hope that there is a season in my life when international travel is "in".

The home decorator- I get lots of compliments on my home- sure, it's cute and tidy, but we are still students, and we are still living on a student's budget.  I dream of the day when I can have a jaw-dropping home that is decorated out of the pages of a magazine.  Just stop by my sister's house.  Yep, that's what I'm talking about.

The educator- people who just happen to have taught a class or two at the university.  A friend of mine taught at BYU for years- while juggling her two very young boys- just because she could.  Amazing.

The jovial- my in-laws laugh at anything and everything that is remotely funny.  They are probably laughing right now.  The ability to laugh freely and easily is something I admire in others- what is so great about being reserved with your laughter?  Nothing, and I'll probably die sooner because of it.

But there are things that I can do.  Things that I used to admire in other people, and now I admire them in myself, too.  I cut Jason and Adam's hair.  I go running (and I actually enjoy it!).  I am learning to bake bread.  I have always admired people that bake bread!  I haven't found the perfect everyday loaf just yet, but I can make some mean French bread, bread bowls, focaccia bread, cinnamon rolls, French bread braids, and wheat bread.  If I am fore-sightful enough to get the bread raising on time, I just love making bread to have with dinner.

Learning to bake bread has been a slow process, but I love it.  And slowly, slowly along the way, I am becoming the person that I admire.

(And I just love this poem.)

B a k i n g B r e a d
Carol Lynn Pearson

There seemed more accusation
Than admiration in Vivian's voice
When she said, "Well, I wish I had time to bake bread!"

And so sometimes when
The loaves were in the oven
And Vivian was at the door
Louise mumbled something about
Another bake sale again

And never even tried to explain
Her near-religious ritual:

How the flour on her fingers
Was the sun and the rain
And the earth

How the thump of her palms
On the dough
Was the dance of women
On the ancient threshing floor
How the smell of baking
Leavened her
And left her believing that
We rise, we rise

And
How the cutting
Of the first warm slice
For the first child home
Made her a bounteous goddess
With life in her hand