With just 3 weeks to go, I feel like I should be blogging more about the final days of this pregnancy. The funny thing is, I've said it all before.
I'm having the same feelings of "done-ness" as I did the last three times around, the wonder about how labor and delivery are all going to turn out and the absolute excitement about welcoming a new baby boy into our family.
I'm in a very interesting place emotionally- going from wanting everyone to just stop commenting on the size of my belly already! to wanting to make sure that I am always in contact with someone that can come and take care of my kids when I need to scurry to the hospital to wondering if people think that this 9-months- pregnant me is the real me. Not that the lack-of-sleep-induced-baby-brain me is a much better representation of who I really am, either, I think. I hope!
I'm finding myself again in a time of preparation and crossing item after item off the to-do list.
A time of wondering how I'll ever fit back into my skinny jeans and hoping that some day I'll be able to walk to the mailbox without waddling.
I go back and forth from wincing in pain from the sharp kicks that are delivered day and night to wondering why the baby hasn't moved in the last 10 minutes.
I laugh when Emma comes up to my belly and speaks into my belly button like it's a microphone, "I LOVE YOU BABY BROTHER!!!"
I brace myself when Adam runs up to me and gives me a great big hug, then smile when he checks to make sure he didn't squeeze the baby brother too hard.
I nod silently when Leah continues to offer suggestions on what the baby brother's name should be, because she doesn't like the name we have picked out.
I spend a lot of time playing the "what if" game with Jason, trying to figure out just how we are going to get to the hospital in time, whether it be day or night, kids safely taken care of while we're gone.
I pray that I can endure the incredible demands of labor and delivery, and I realize that, one way or another, I have to go through it. I remember that I've done it before, and I can do it again. I have to.
I try to rest up as much as I can, knowing that there is no way to ensure that I'll go into labor after a good night's sleep. I realize I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep...
I try to focus on the respite that comes after the baby comes- the cocoon of healing that allows me to turn a blind eye to my household responsibilities and focus on my family. The eternal blessing that my family is. And, despite the misery of these last few weeks, I find myself in a place of gratitude and thanksgiving. And excitement!
I've done this before, but never with this little fellow. And I can't wait until I get to meet him!