It occurred to me some time back in the spring that I was about to embark on a new chapter of life. Uncharted territory that I had never encountered before. And now that I'm actually in the thick of it, it feels like time to reflect a bit on where I am, how I got here, and what it all means.
I have alone time.
Like, regularly scheduled, everyone is taken care of, I can do whatever I want and not have to explain myself to anyone alone time.
I literally have not experienced this since 2006.
Although Noah is still with me most of the time, he takes a two-hour nap every day and attends five hours a preschool every week. And he's my baby, which means sometimes I'm all alone.
For the first time as a mother, I have time to sit alone in my house and think.
A few weeks ago I thought about a rebate that we never received, and a quick phone call later, I had $70 coming my way.
I have time to think about service. Yesterday I dropped into the local clothing donation place and asked if I could help out. I spent the morning with Mary, Betty, and Linda, sorting clothes and discussing "this new generation" and such.
I have time to work. I knew this day of open pockets of time was coming so a few months ago, at the suggestion of a friend, I started doing some writing for various podcasters. I love it! It fills up my time nicely, I don't have to market myself, my family or anything else in order to get paid, and the flexible hours mean it doesn't infringe on family time, or even the kids waking hours at all (unless I let it).
I have even more time to exercise... not that I always do, but I have more time and less excuses to fit it in. I've espeically enjoyed walking with friends (without a stroller!).
I have time to help out friends in need. I am no longer the mom who has to schedule everything around a babysitter. I can schedule things around preschool and help other moms who are still in need of day-time babysitters.
I can pop into my kids classroom whenever I want to. I help regularly in Adam's classroom, and I always find Emma and Leah for a hug while I'm there. And we have cafeteria lunch dates as often as possible.
I can get ahead on the things that I don't want to waste family time doing- like laundry or meal prepping.
I can go grocery shopping alone. I'm really fast when I'm alone!
Overall, it's been pretty amazing.
I'm not going to lie, I like the moments of alone time, mostly because it's not my entire day. That seems like it could be really hard, if I don't continue to find ways to keep from being "bored". I'm slowly, reluctantly working my way toward empty-nesthood, but thank heavens that chapter is still years away (only 14, actually! But that feels like a lot.)
When I'm alone I think about my babies tucked away in their classrooms and I feel joy at the thought of being together again, but the time goes by so fast that I really hardly have time to actually miss them before they're back again.
And when they get back I can hardly wait to hug and squeeze and squish them, and hear all about the challenges and adventures of their days.
And like all things motherhood, I look back on the years that I was in the thick of all-kids, all-the-time, and I wonder,
"How did the time go by so fast?"
But, fast or not, I can't go back and do any of it over again. All I can do is embrace the stage of motherhood that I'm suddenly in, and work to make this one just as meaningful as the last one was.
Snuggling my sweet baby niece Juniper, while my actual baby stands nearby. Time flies!
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