Could've

I took the kids to Chick-fil-a for dinner tonight and ran into a woman that I met once, back when I first moved here.  She went to my church.  I visited her once.  She got offended over something I wasn't involved in and stopped coming to church.  I tried to visit her again, sent her a few notes in the mail and even drove out to the tiny nearby town she lives in to stuff cookies in her mailbox, which probably creeped her out more than anything given the fact that she may or may not have remembered the face that went along with them.  I haven't seen her in years, but I recognized her tonight.

She has three kids- a 6-year-old girl, a 3-and-a-half-year-old boy, and an 18-month-old girl.  Just like me.  We chatted over our big girls losing teeth and homeschooling, our boys insisting on wearing boots everywhere they go, and our babies growing up way too fast.  I admired how effortlessly cool this mom seemed.  Any coolness that I might ever exhibit is accidental- I am much more prone to exhibiting un-coolness.  I remembered her 100+ year old house with it's wraparound porch and furnishings and general peaceful feeling.  I walked away from the conversation thinking, "We could've been friends."

A few weeks ago at the Children's Museum in Indianapolis I ran into a life-long friend- one that I have so many memories with.  He was the person I first danced to "Lady In Red" with when I was 14 years old, he came to my sister's wedding when I was 16, I wrote him during his mission and I was at the airport when he got home.  I was 20.  He was a huge part of my life, and as I walked away I realized, "I could've married him." (NO regrets that I didn't... just... given different circumstances... I could've.)

And so I've been thinking of the other "could'ves" in my life that have shaped who I am... I could've never moved to Utah, never finished my degree, never met Jason... I could've kept working after Leah was born... Jason could've been a dentist, or a sprinkler repair man, or a used car salesman (but probably not)... We could've gone to Cornell instead of Purdue.... Our family could've been.... different by now....

And I think of the could'ves that I'm leaving behind in Indiana... I could've learned more from this person or that experience.... I could've been a better friend or developed a certain talent or skill set.... we could've lived here or there and had different experiences because of it...

And I think of the crossroads that are lying ahead of us... where will we live in Iowa is still a huge question mark- in the 100+ year old house in the tiny town that Jason will be working in?  (99.99% sure NO)  Or in another college town that will keep us in a familiar setting (Again, pretty sure no)?  Or in the burbs, where we will hopefully find families like ours, in a house that we will grow into?  How will our choices change when we have a little more freedom to make choices with our time, energy and family?  What will we choose to do?  What will I say one day when we get to the next set of could'ves?

I find myself wanting to poll everyone I talk to- what would you do differently when you think of your "could'ves"?  What would you do over again?  What can we learn from your experiences?  We only have one shot at this and we just want to get it right.